To the Editor:
For the online sales divisions of Brooks Brothers and Ann Taylor, fall is a glorious season. Not only does the changing of the leaves mark the time for dangling wool slacks, peacoats and other high mark-up cold weather items in front of a well-heeled set fatigued with tank-top minimalism; but fall also brings with it a rite as intrinsic to the natural order as the equinox itself: the Dartmouth College Employer Information Fair, a crucial juncture in the term-long corporate recruiting process. Days before the fair, scores of elegant brown boxes begin inundating the Hinman mail system, carrying the oxford shirts and cashmere crewnecks that Dartmouth's aspiring young professionals think might just catch the eye of that first-year analyst from Morgan Stanley. ("Ooh, is that cornflower blue?") Great news for fine clothiers, but unfortunately for our would-be consultants and bankers, it is a tragedy of the commons.
On a campus already not noted for its diversity or eclecticism, recruiters encounter a herd of social sciences majors flashing the same eager grin and exhibiting, now, the same sartorial splendor. Pinstripes simply blend into pinstripes; it's the same phenomenon that safeguards the zebras of the Serengeti. It's too early to despair, however; there is time yet for these wistful ones to distinguish themselves -- by their eloquence, their Econ 1 grades, or perhaps their answers to the question, "How many hours are there in a work week?"
All this attention to self-presentation is no laughing matter, for as I overheard said to a 'business-cas' clad fellow leaving the fair looking discouraged, "Now Peter, we mustn't be picky; after all, the job market is slumping." Woe to the ambitious young college graduate, pining for the late-'90s tech bubble! Where fled the days when five-figure signing bonuses were as numerous as dot-coms? If Peter wanted to scramble for a decent living, he would have been a Comparative Literature major.
So step right up, boys and girls, it's time to shake hands firmly, maintain eye contact and tell the nice man how it's always been your dream "to assist the world's leading companies in achieving superior returns for shareholders." Don't worry, most information booths offer mints stamped with their logos in case you leave with a funny taste in your mouth.
