Last Thursday during his first solo news conference at the White House, President Bush summarized his first month in office. Rather than taking the time to decipher what he said, I made my own rundown of Bush's first term in office. What I discovered was a series of frightening similarities between Mr. W Bush's first month in office and his father's four years in office. What has happened, it seems, is that Mr. W. Bush has decided that the best way to be president is to simply do what his father did. And so far he's doing a great job. Let's take a look at a couple of the similarities between Mr. W. Bush's first month and his father's four years.
The term that Mr. W. Bush's father was president was marked by recession. Now, just as Mr. W. Bush has become president, the country is once again headed in the direction of recession. The connection is clear: a Bush in office equals a country in recession. I'm not saying that either of the Bushes intentionally did anything to cause economic slowdown, but the obviousness of the correlation between a Bush and a recession cannot be ignored.
There are plenty of possible reasons for this unfortunate relationship. My theory is that the American people, when under the leadership of a president with the last name Bush, simply don't feel like stimulating the economy. Others have suggested that economic slowdown is simply the nature of a Bush, just as moral corruption is the nature of a Democrat.
Another uncanny similarity between Mr. W. Bush's first month in office and his father's years in office concerns U.S-Japan ties. Recall that in 1992 at a Japanese state dinner where he was the guest of honor, Mr. W. Bush's father vomited and collapsed, shocking and horrifying his Japanese hosts. Now remember the catastrophic sinking of a Japanese fishing boat by an American submarine a few weeks ago. Again, there is a clear connection: a Bush in office equals a Japanese person in distress.
Granted, it's no fault of either of the Bushes that whenever they are in office there is some kind of incident that leaves a Japanese person in pain and an American at fault. But there is nevertheless this strange causal relationship between a Bush and a distressed Japanese. As of yet, no theories have been proposed explaining the reasons for this strange occurrence.
A final parallel between the two Bushes' presidencies centers on Iraq and its wonderful existence as both country and punching bag. In 1991, Mr. W. Bush's father and most Americans were bored with the recession, so naturally we decided to go to war. Two weeks ago, a seemingly bored Mr. W. Bush decided to beat up on Iraq again; perhaps now that he can't watch executions as much as he'd like to, he watches Iraqi cities getting bombed instead. Thus there is this third connection between a Bush and a specific event: a Bush in office equals a dead Iraqi. Of course, air strikes are only supposed to hit military targets, so neither one of the Bushes has anything to do with civilian injuries or deaths.
Keep in mind that Mr. W. Bush's father accomplished these things over four years, while Mr. W. Bush has accomplished them in just one month. Because of his adeptness at following in his father's footsteps, Mr. W. Bush will most likely be able to do everything that his father did during four years in just a few months. If Mr. W. Bush does indeed continue to do as his father did, here are a couple things to look forward to in the following weeks:
Significantly increasing crime rates
Large budget deficits
Invasions of small Central American countries
Lips that read "No new taxes"
With Mr. W. Bush's ability to excel at imitating his father, it won't be long before he runs out of things to mimic. This is the most frightening fact of all. What will Mr. W. Bush do when he runs out of things to copy?
