As with many people in America, I occasionally have the occasion to watch a little TV. This impressive device, found in living rooms, bedrooms and dorm rooms across the country, has often been maligned by mean-spirited critics, prompting them to dub it "the idiot box," "the boob tube" or "the goddamned television." Friends, I wish to occupy the opposite ground, and take a moment to laud the greatest invention since six-string guitars.
There are some who profess that if they watch television, they can "feel" themselves "getting dumber." I argue that this is in fact a personal problem and in no way related to the television. In fact, TV makes you smarter: it increases your knowledge of the world and how life really works. For example, I can watch "Friends" and conclude that New York City is populated solely by trendy, white 20-somethings (or 30-somethings, in Monica's case). And when "Suddenly Susan" was on the air, each episode provided me with an exciting, behind-the-scenes look at the lingerie industry. I felt better informed; while I wept or laughed along with the talented cast members, I was also absorbing vital information. What a show. (Or was that "Veronica's Closet?")
Then, there is the argument that TV is undiverse, that it ignores all cultures except for the Anglo-American power structure. Why, this is silly. Here in Brooklyn, of the ten and a half stations that I receive, two are in Spanish. I am enriched by the Spanish-language soap operas, game shows, and psychic call-in programs that grace my screen whenever I flip to one of the two channels. Now, if I ever visit a Spanish-speaking country, I will already know about the abundance of soap stars, game show contestants, and psychics in the population. Perhaps one day, I will even be able to understand what they are saying. Another station, inexplicably, airs a channel that apparently comes straight from Japan. And the reception is better than that of ABC. But don't worry -- I'm not bitter about that.
I could speak all day and at great length about the positive aspects of television. The vociferous critics of television utter not a peep about the thrills and excitement inherent in TV. On PAX television ("The Station that Jesus Christ Wants You to Watch"), reruns of "Caroline in the City" air for several hours each day. Who has not felt titillated and tingly after watching an episode of this benchmark show? Indeed, is it not a miracle in itself that PAX can run so many episodes of this show? Was Caroline in the City even on the air for that long? I believe that, like the loaves and fishes, the episodes were multiplied through the grace of the LORD.
And we have even neglected so far the most thrilling program on television: Dick Clark's "Bloopers." Setting aside the misnomer of the show--the show is NOT about DICK CLARK'S bloopers, but about other people's bloopers; if Dick Clark makes any bloopers, they are never mentioned on the show. (Other than that little foible, the program is in all ways perfect.)
There is much to love about Dick Clark's "Bloopers;" its viewers keep coming back for more. What is the hidden secret of the show that allows it such a loyal fan base? Besides the thrill of the show's raw, unadulterated comedy, we are drawn back each time by another cause. That is to say, we watch each show wondering if THIS will be the one where Dick Clark dies mid-program of extreme old age. Life and death: the basic pillars of entertainment.
I hope that this small glimpse, however brief, into the inner value of television has sufficiently enlightened you. How can people criticize the TV, when it has so much to offer -- entertainment, culture, education, thrills, chills, and Pamela Anderson Lee, all wrapped up into one compact little talking box. As we move into an era of Internet-based entertainment, the television may quietly slip from our grasp, doomed forever to brotherhood with the 8-track and the Betamax. In the name of all that is good and pure, do not let that happen. If you hear friends or loved ones defaming the television, you must gently dissuade them from their wrongheaded beliefs. Convert them; open their eyes to the rich landscape that lies within the pixels of the television screen. Remember -- you can change the world.
