In case you missed the article in the D (motto: "A smattering of world news plus all the CS4 and Phi Delt derecognition stories you can stand"), Westside is closing next fall. It's the end of an era! My world has been turned upside down!
Actually, I never ate there. Apparently no one else did either -- according to Director of Dining Services Tucker Rossiter, 150 people at the most come to eat at Westside on a typical night. Whereas over in food court, 150 is the average number of people waiting in line to pump the Edy's machine for some of that sweet, frozen, 40-cents-an-ounce heroin.
The plan, as I understand it, is that Food Court and Homeplate will just absorb the extra Westside space. I am quite happy for Larry James that he is managing to annex territory. If you don't know who Larry is -- well, let's just say that you do know who he is, if you have ever been to Food Court in the past year. Larry is the new Food Court boss, and he is quite friendly. I am particularly impressed that he wrote back to my comment card requesting more frequent availibility of hot fudge in Food Court.I said, while I cannot understand the motivations of the unwashed heathen caramel-eating masses, I accept that there is a diversity of ice-cream topping belief systems on this campus, and perhaps it would be good if we could have two topping heaters such that the caramel freaks wouldn't interfere with the availability of my hot fudge. Larry said he would look into getting another heater.
I am happy to see that more territory is coming under the reign of Food Court's benevolent leader. It's just as well that Westside is making way for the expansion of the Food Court nation-state. I only ate at Westside a couple of times. The food was OK, but since it was free I always ended up rolling myself home.
Now I understand that certain members of the Dartmouth community do need to eat the massive quantities of food Westside provides for that one low low $7.99 price. Athletic director Dick Jaeger expressed his concerns that athletes will not get the proper nutrition required to dunk the ball or jump the hurdle or whatever. "I sympathize with their economic problems," Jaeger told the Dartmouth, "but I'm also trying to look out for the dietary needs of the athletes."
Fair enough. I mean, if you're 7 feet tall and weigh 300 pounds, there's no point in facing the reality that you will have to pay a lot more to feed yourself any sooner than is otherwise necessary. To this end, Food Court is purportedly considering a plan under which second entrees will be available at half price. This is good for the rest of us, too, since we can just trade off which friends buy dinner for two people which nights.
Alternately, I think we should consider a "supersizing" plan similar to the one in operation at McDonalds. You could say, "Give me the stirfry and supersize it!", and the Food Court eggroll, instead of being the size of your pinkie, would be replaced with a thumb-sized monster.
Lord knows Food Court will have to provide some new alternative to Westside, since Home Plate isn't exactly value dining. Somehow my baked potato and fruit salad ended up costing like twelve bucks at dinner tonight.
Homeplate may be fine for its more typical clientele (adjectives fail me in trying to describe the typical Homeplate customer, although "anorexic" and "female" do come to mind), but it certainly won't energize anyone properly to chase that steeple or whatever.
Thus, with an innovative new two-for-one entree plan, Food Court will continue its rise to power. You better watch out, Homeplate -- there's not too much more space left to conquer in Thayer. You just try to keep selling those ten dollar fruit salads -- Larry James is coming for you next!
