Once upon a time, oh, I don't know, about four years ago, when I was but a wee freshman, there stood a sculpture, proud, gallant, and tall ... for about five hours. For the uninitiated (read: young), four years ago a tremendous amount of artistic and mechanical energy went into constructing a knight on horseback lancing a menacing dragon. The sculpture epitomized the ideals of Dartmouth spirit: honesty, chivalry, bravery, and doing it all for the lady locked in the Tower. We actually did lock a young local woman in Baker tower that year. Her name was Esmerelda and she was so taken by the man striking the hour and so impressed that he remembered to do it every hour, that she never realized he came and went and so could she. Four years later, Esmerelda is still in the Tower, though now she has three little humpbacked children to keep her company when the little man is not striking the hour or rendering a Beatles song tedious. But I digress....
The "Knight and Dragon" piece had its innards made of delicately shaped chicken wire and rightly placed 2 by 4s. Construction began a full two weeks prior to Winter Carnival. This was in a chronologically primitive time when things were better -- when the football team won, when freshman rushed the field, and when officers ate the torrential hail of donuts served to them by enthusiastic fans. "Knight and Dragon," at least the dragon, only stood for a few hours before the hot February sun beat it to submission, but oh was it majestic while it stood. Later that evening I witnessed a further display of the sculpture's integrity, when it took four freshman to haul down the heroic knight's head. The students rose to speak out against the Trustee and administravtive influence which was obviously behind this deceit. Yes, it took two years to motivate this student movement, but last year it succeeded in fully cancelling Carnival. Are you kidding me? Whose side are the vocal opposition minority on? But I digress .... Point being that this year's sculpture is a disgrace as is the amount of student enthusiasm at this school for such events as Winter Carnival.
What is it that stands at the center of our beloved campus? Is it man or beast? Well, it's beastly and I think there are a few people haphazardly placed along the sculpture's perimeter. Art or porn? There is nothing pornographic about a post-millenial, X-Games influenced, block of snow. Then is it art? If snowplows have aesthetic value than so does this year's sculpture. And the theme behind the sculpture, "Lest the Cold Traditions Fail," is a heinous mockery of the general trend in Dartmouth respect for tradition and school spirit. From a sporting viewpoint, Winter Carnival is centered around the ski, especially alpine, component of the weekend, from which all other activities have in one way or another sprung. Having ventured every year to view the second run of Slalom on Saturday at 12:30, I have noted student support at the Skiway wane considerably. Few rowdy fans and even fewer cowbells dot the final pitch of the Thomas course.Why? Because there is no fan support for athletic events at this school. From a social viewpoint, we duly note the lack of busloads of "young coeds" venturing north for the weekend. Why? Because it is no longer P.C. Above all else, we must recognize our insightful ancestry who held the first ski race in North America at Mt. Moosilauke some twenty to two hundred years ago. We, as current Dartmouth students, owe it to our elite, white, male past to support the Ski Team this weekend.
And what is this call for a moose as a mascot? Somebody shoot me now. But again, I digress ...
What do we do about the issues I have raised? I suggest taking this year's Winter Carnival activities by the horns and getting horizontal as much as possible.
