I'm a senior now. In theory, I guess that makes me the one who should have the wisdom, the words of advice that I am able to impart on the younger members of the Dartmouth community. In reality, although I can tell you what classes I think you should take, I am still essentially clueless about a great many things.
I've been a Dartmouth student since the fall of 1996, but I still ask myself every day what exactly I am doing here. When I am unhappy, I wonder why I have any right to complain, since there are so very many people in this world who would give anything to be miserable in the Ivy Leagues, instead of worrying about where their next meal or drink of water will come from.
I spent the summer in Newark, attempting to teach children. I do not want to seem self-righteous, because there were so many times during the nine week period that I cried myself to sleep feeling useless and alone. I still struggle with the implications of my time there, and wonder what it will mean for my future.
I guess I do have some advice to give to younger students and members of my own class. If you lie awake at night stressing about classes, or your place in the greater world, you are not alone. Don't keep your feelings inside, but share them with others. Keep talking until you find someone else who feels the same way you do. Believe me, there are others who have the same concerns that you do, and when you find them, you will both sleep a little easier. I would not be here today if it weren't for the many students, professors, and other adults who cared enough about me to listen to me when I thought that I was the only one in Hanover who thought a certain way.
I have determined that things at Dartmouth never work out the way I planned. I came here convinced that I would be a government major, and I am now a proud geography major who absolutely loves the individual attention the department offers me. I was certain that I would never join a house, but I am extremely grateful for the strange twists of fate that led me to Amarna, the place where I live and call home. I hated religion, until I met the wonderful people and chaplains at Aquinas House, who have bailed me out of so many jams that I have lost count, and given me the opportunity to develop a faith that has become the center of my existence. I am also grateful beyond words to the Tucker Foundation -- for the off-terms I have spent living and working in communities far removed from Hanover; and for their loving support when I have returned to campus. Although I will never fully embrace all aspects of Dartmouth, I have finally realized that my time here has been so incredibly valuable that I no longer wish that I had matriculated or transferred to another college.
I am not going to pretend that I have figured out the meaning of life. I still stress about stupid things, and ignore people and ideas that are far more important. To be quite honest, I am unable to say with certainty that I will graduate with my class. I have realized that I am still very young, and that it will not be the end of the world if I cannot fit my goals and personality into a traditional timetable.
Every day, I become more aware of how much I love my friends. I miss my freshman year roomie, who left Dartmouth, but is still so much a part of my life. I feel extremely privileged to know people who challenge my opinions, make me think, and are there for me in the middle of the night. I hope that I have been able to be a good friend to others during their times of need, and I look forward to meeting new people every day, and learning about their own struggles and accomplishments.
I am still deciding what I should do with myself next year. I thought that I was going to apply to law school. I took the LSAT and ordered applications, but I am unable to bring myself to fill them out. Maybe I will become a public interest lawyer one day, but right now, I realize that I must walk the walk instead of merely talking the talk. I have not decided exactly what I will do next year, but right now, I think that I will apply to either Teach for America or Jesuit Volunteer Corps. At one time, I thought that this was a very moral aspiration that somehow gave me the right to look down on those who were contemplating corporate recruiting and other such "evils." I now realize that all of us seniors are merely trying to find a "place" in the world, and that I am no better, and no worse, than anyone else. Perhaps these questions are more appropriate for a Michael W. Smith song or a geography thesis, so for now, I just want to wish good luck to my fellow students as we navigate our lives at Dartmouth, and beyond.
