So you are a member of the Class of '03, eagerly awaiting your chance to be welcomed into the Emerald City, the Big Green, Dartmouth. As you ready for your journey into the leafy jungle of Hanover, I would like to offer you a few pieces of wisdom, because I'm a nice guy. And also because I like to hear myself talk, but that's another story. Here then, I offer you, in no particular order, "Everything I need to know I learned in my freshman year at Dartmouth."
1)Laundry is negotiable. You'd be surprised how long you can survive without doing it. Laundry, I mean. Be sure to bring lots of undies. It makes getting through the week a lot easier.
2)Don't buy the College's linens package get your own. The towels and sheets really suck, to be honest. You can find all that crap in stores at home, unless you live in New Jersey.
3)Outing trips are the best! Enjoy yours. I hope you signed up for one. In my opinion, there is no better way to get to know your classmates than being in the woods with them for four days, inhaling their odeur naturelle.
4)Put a lot of bulletins on your list. This one I'm serious about. When you get to know BlitzMail better, you'll know what I'm talking about. There is a giant list of BlitzMail bulletins, each of which you have the option of monitoring. Monitor several bulletins and add more when you figure out your interests for starters I recommend the 2003 Class Activities one, your dorm cluster's bulletin, Activities for Students, the Registrar one and the Career Services one.
5)Writing is fun. This one I'm biased about because I write. I mean, everyone writes, but I write. Right? Anyone can write editorials for The D, the fabulous paper you're reading right now. You should do this at least once. I've had a regular column for a year now, and my writing's been called everything from "funnier than Dave Barry" (by a Hanover resident) to "fairly inane rambling" (by the Dartmouth Review).
6)Which leads me to another point -- avoid the Dartmouth Review if you can.
7)Naps are important. I find that the best time is either in the afternoon, or during a two hour lecture period. Usually I choose the latter option. Some people take power naps; I take hour naps.
8)Say goodbye to mystery meat. Dartmouth has some of the best food around. Don't fall into the "Food Court rut," though try all of the different dining service places around here. The fries at the Hop are magical.
9)Like paprika, variety is a spice. Don't take a lot of courses that are similar in the type of homework or class work that they have. Take courses about things you know nothing about. Have you ever wondered about the fine points behind film animation, gender struggles in Europe or the mating habits of the Australian meadowlark? At Dartmouth, there are many courses on all of these, except for the meadowlark. (For that, I recommend www.meadowlark.com.)
10) Speaking of meadowlarks, we must remark upon Dartmouth's computer system. Dartmouth is a Mac-eat-Mac world. Consequently, you should own a Mac. Macs are cool. Macs are fun. You can make them talk to you through the sophisticated speech capabilities. Mine usually likes to say, "An error of type 37 has occurred."
11) Hope you like one-ply toilet paper.
12) You only need to bring a bike if you've been assigned to live in the River Cluster--Hinman (not to be confused with Hinman Boxes: Ralph Hinman was a popular guy), French or McLane Hall. If you bring a bike for any other reason, I will stick a branch into your spokes.
13) Finally, just remember that you're going to be in college at one of the best schools in the country. Even if you're only moderately successful here, a Dartmouth degree of any kind means a helluva lot. So relax, have fun. You're starting over at a new place, where 99.99 percent of the people have never met you before. This means a chance to start over -- to change anything about yourself that you don't like, to explore new things. You have no reputation at Dartmouth yet. This can be scary, but it can also be very exciting. Be outgoing if you were introverted, be creative if you were unimaginative, be witty if you were quiet. This is your chance to become anyone you'd like.
Good luck -- I am really looking forward to meeting you in person at the College.
