This spring, tens of thousands of high school juniors and seniors are on the prowl. You've seen the mobs. You may have even been frightened by them. Accompanied by eager parents with bored younger siblings in tow, the '01s and '02s are all searching for the perfect college -- their metaphorical Disneyworld. Tomorrow I will face packs of them as I begin a stint as an official Admissions Office tour guide. As tour guides, it's up to us to show prospective students that Dartmouth can be their academic panacea, their Magic Kingdom.
I am particularly up to the task, having spent my spring break at none other than Orlando Florida's largest tourist attraction. Forget Daytona, I went right to Disney.
Regressing about ten years in age, my friend Alyson and I drove through the flashy welcome arch, giggling and screaming as Cinderella's castle came into view.
"Forget Dartmouth, I want to go to school here," I sighed to an agreeing Alyson. And then it struck me that the comparisons between Dartmouth and Disneyworld are uncanny.
Before even getting out of the car, it is obvious that Disneyworld has a lot more parking than Dartmouth. We parked in the "Pluto" lot, and after a few long walks to A Lot this term, I believe our student parking is located somewhere near the planet Pluto. Coincidence?
The similarities don't end there. While both are outrageously expensive, in the end, Dartmouth has several Prince Charmings, while Disney will help you get a good job. (Or was it the other way around?) As we celebrate the 25th anniversary of coeducation, Disney is likewise celebrating its 25th anniversary. White Mountain, Space Mountain. Goofy, Dumbo, and Dopey, (Insert your pet peeve administrator here). All these similarities from two places both beginning with the letter D!
And how about the "lands" of Disneyworld? No doubt Dartmouth has Frontierland in abundance, and Adventureland is readily seen in both Food Court and Home Plate at 6:00 pm. Dartmouth is enough of a Fantasyland that most of us fear the day Tomorrowland is finally upon us. And the corny analogies keep on coming. After randomly meeting a Dartmouth friend on Main Street, USA, we confirmed that it's a small world after all. Certainly no one on Main Street, Hanover would refute that.
Admittedly, there are a few notable differences. Even though Disney food costs more than DDS's, people are willing to buy it. Perhaps DDS might draw a lesson from Disney's example. DDS clearly needs more cotton candy. While they're at it, they could stand to add a campus monorail too. I suppose a man-made beach would be asking too much.
Yet as magic as the Magic Kingdom is, it has its downsides; the lines are too long, the employees do not necessarily "whistle while they work", and Mickey Mouse is just a guy in a suit. Even Disney isn't perfect. But Alyson and I overlooked the crowds and the commercialism and had a great day there.
Tomorrow when I give the Dartmouth sales pitch to my tour groups, I hope that they become enraptured with the Big Green, but at the same time, I'm sure there will be something, however major or minor, to find fault with -- some whiny prospective who can't live without his IBM or can't imagine surviving sophomore summer. Even as students here, we somehow always find campus causes to pursue -- and rightfully so. Even at Dartmouth, we can still find improvements to make. Especially in Dartmouth "campaign season," it can be easy to get caught up in the injustices of locked dorm side doors and overpriced french fries -- both valid grievances -- and overlook the fact that we go to the Disneyworld of colleges. Yes, I lived in the River freshman year and have had the absolute worst housing numbers since. The Office of Residential Life has repeatedly smited me, but it hasn't broken my spirit yet.
Baker Tower isn't Cinderella's Castle, nor was meant to be. But as I've learned, the Dartmouth library system has nine libraries and over two million volumes in open stacks. BASIC was invented here by former College President John Kemeny and ... I'll spare you the tour schpiel, but don't lose sight of the fact that for many people, Dartmouth is ever approaching, if it isn't already, the epitome of collegeness. If you wish upon a star, this may be Disneyworld yet.
