To the Editor:
I write you regarding the Student Assembly Elections that were conducted Tuesday and Wednesday over the Internet and in Collis. I am deeply saddened by the rejection of my ballot that I spend a good 45 seconds of deep thought crafting.
Why did Dartmouth reject my ballot? Because I exercised my god-given right to vote for a cartoon character. Yes I voted for Homer J. Simpson for SA president and the election gods rejected my ballot. Throughout the course of modern history America has fought in many wars, and men and women have died to protect, among other things, an American's right to vote for imaginary creatures (The Lochness Monster), lewd names (Mike Hunt) or whatever they feel like (a stuffed animal).
This is the very principle engendered in the notion of the write in candidate. But allow me to provide some alternate reasons of why Homer Simpson makes a better candidate than anyone who has yet thrown their hat into the ring.
Firstly, Homer doesn't sling the mud. He hasn't called into question the credentials of any other candidate running. He simply wants to drink beer, watch TV, have sex every once in a while and pass out on his couch. What person doesn't want to do that? Therefore, he is much more representative of the common man, while at the same time not denigrating any other candidate.
Secondly, Homer is as visible on campus as most of our elected representatives are. I mean how many times has any of us seen our SA president? For the love of God I don't even know where the SA meets. All I know is that they give me a Student Advantage card that gives me a discount off a free wig at some store in West Leb and makes sure that I have an innumerable amount of broken computers from which I cannot check my BlitzMail all over campus.
This trickles into my third point. Homer doesn't make any pretensions about what he can accomplish as SA president. Because he is not running he sees the futility of the false promises. Now I commend the candidates for their positive ideas, I even agree with some of them presented (largely because the two main presidential candidates have the exact same posters on different colored paper). But I have yet to read an article in The Dartmouth titled "Student Assembly thwarts Administration once again!!"
What the campaign has boiled down to is an absurd onslaught of ridiculous sound bytes. Now like a conscientious voter diligently exercising the sacred right to vote (that is to say putting off chemistry homework) I took the time to vote and my reward for this? You guessed it, a rejected ballot!
Why am I writing this editorial? I want to effect change in the way we view our elections, I want to give volume to your voice, I want to offer you some frewduh for thought, I want to make America a better place. Yes that's right, I want to avoid my chemistry homework.
