I am sick and tired of hearing about "the real world," that mythical land which is purported to await us upon graduation. Everyone seems to have something to teach us about "the real world." Two points need to be made clear. There is no "real world" and if there was, no one at the College would be qualified to talk about it.
You've heard these people. "It's not like this is the real world." Or from a professor, "Why should I give you an extension? They don't give out extensions in the real world."
They don't? What do you call the government shut down? But then again, is the government "the real world?" I thought one was judged by performance in "the real world."
Let's try another popular favorite with Dartmouth students: investment banking. Is investment banking "the real world?" So "the real world" involves working long hours and paying bills? What if I graduate, live with my parents, and work intermittently on a book that becomes a best-seller? Would I still not be in "the real world?"
How about Mother Theresa working in India and dealing with things that I will never face in my "real world." Is she in "the real world?"
And what would Mother Theresa have to say about those investment bankers? Every day she addresses the tangible problem of starvation while investment bankers analyze balance sheets. Seems to me little ole Mother T would be quite justified in saying to those bankers, "What do you know about 'the real world?'"
The simple truth is that none of us will ever enter "the real world." It is part of the human condition that each of us is forever trapped in our own personal world. Some of our personal worlds will be more broad than others, but none will deserve a title so all encompassing as "the real world." To even suggest that anyone so privileged as a Dartmouth graduate could ever enter "the real world" is the height of arrogance.
But for the sake of argument let us accept the term "the real world," in a charitably loose manner, as simply referring to the fact that life after college is different than what we currently experience.
Now who was telling us about "the real world?" Oh, that's right, people with careers in academia. So we are supposed to take advice about life after college from people who have never left.
Let's look at some specific examples. We return to that professor who denies an extension because such things are not granted in "the real world." I ask back, "Do they give out lifetime job security based on five years of performance in 'the real world?' Can one promise to complete a task in a week (say grade a test) and then take a month? Do people in 'the real world' get three to six months out of the year to do whatever they want?"
How about that glorious fountain of "real world" knowledge known as Career Services? Well, when students miss the deadline to turn in resumes by minutes they are categorically turned away. One of the explanations is "You can't miss deadlines in the real world."
Hey buddy, in the real world people have been known to cut the people who pay their salaries a little slack. They get part of our tuition with the understanding that they will provide a service to students.
Walk into a Lexus dealership right as they are closing and offer to pay cash for a car. If the dealer learned about "the real world" from Career Services he would be forced to reply, "Sorry, but closing time is closing time in 'the real world.' I'm afraid I am going to have to kick you out."
Or try the registrar's office. A sign in their office publicly declares that they couldn't care less about their student customers. It reads "Bad planning on your part does not necessarily make it an emergency on our part." The attitude of these women suggests that this sign is more than a joke, but a motto. Maybe their morale would improve if we upped their smoke break allowance to ten a day.
Like most College bureaucrats these poor women work that grueling 8 hour day that is so common in "the real world." Of course that includes a one hour lunch during which the entire administration shuts down. Is Dartmouth's version of the siesta practiced in "the real world" or is it common to stagger lunches so that offices remain open?
Look people, your job is to provide a liberal arts education. Done right, that will give us the skills we need to navigate life after graduation. And when you are done blabbering nonsense about "the real world" take time out to appreciate a genuine, "real world" aphorism -- the customer is always right.
