Skip to Content, Navigation, or Footer.
Support independent student journalism. Support independent student journalism. Support independent student journalism.
The Dartmouth
July 11, 2025 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

People You Should Avoid

With only a few thousand people on the Dartmouth campus at any one time, you may find that you run into some of the same people on a regular basis. For instance, you may find that you always see your former drill instructor in the Hop or that you usually come across your Undergraduate Adviser on the way to your class in Dartmouth Hall.

However, as we are all painfully aware, there are probably some people on this campus with whom you do not necessarily want to cross paths.

Maybe you want to avoid that acid-dropping Lambda Lambda Lambda with whom you randomly hooked up while star-gazing at the Bema freshman fall. Perhaps you are wary of running into the person on your hall you haven't officially met all year -- you know, the person with whom you never ever make eye contact even if he lives right next door to you.

Let's not forget some of your other annoying peers including Mr. "I've been pursuing you since sophomore summer but I don't necessarily believe in basic body hygiene," or Ms. "Can I please borrow your car for an extended period of time even though I have no intent of replenishing your gas tank?"

No matter who the annoying person is, there is no doubt that the majority of people on campus have come within spitting distance of someone they truly want to avoid. In fact, many undergraduates have elaborate systems by which they skillfully prevent themselves from getting trapped in unwanted conversations or social interactions.

For instance, as soon as they make eye contact with their adversary, many of them quickly change their intended route. They can pull the old "I'm crossing the street nowhere near a crosswalk into oncoming traffic to avoid you" technique, the "I was going to file my major card in the Registrar but I saw you so I might as well go into town and buy a gardening hoe" strategy or maybe even the "After seeing you in the sandwich line in Collis, I really like the menu at Food Court better" tactic.

More interestingly, though, are the strategies employed when you are within inches of your nemesis. For instance, if you are almost face-to-face with your self-centered lab partner in the Hop, you might do one of the following things. Try pulling the faithful "I need to bend over to re-latch my Birkenstocks as you pass by" evasion, the "I have too much hair in my face to see you" excuse, the "Let's check my Hinman Box for the fourth time in five minutes" modus operandi, the "I need to scribble chicken-scratch on an envelope" strategy or the "I really need to open up my knapsack and look for absolutely nothing" method.

If those deceitful means don't seem appropriate, I recommend taking a brief walk over to the Hop bulletin boards and intently read about the International programs in Budapest, the numerous career opportunities in Alaskan fisheries, the local Hippopotamus/Garage sale in Sachem Village or Dr. Felix Von Sven N. Flugel's captivating brochure on the breeding tendencies of South Lithuanian Drosophila as predicted by their karyotypic make-up.

Ironically, no matter what avoidance technique one implements, the rejected party usually understands the true intent of the other person's actions. He is just powerless to do anything but counter by using techniques of evasion in any future potential social interactions. Only the truly ignorant are fully unaware of the process.

Ultimately, you can't like all the people all the time. Even in the far removed, pristine Ivy League Utopia we humbly call Dartmouth, divergent personalities exist.