This week, faithful readers, we have decided to take our talents off of the field and exercise the biggest muscles we have: our brains. This might surprise those of you who have seen Freddie work out in Alumni Gym. I was shocked myself, but yes, our brains. And to those of you who say differently because you “looked it up” and that “isn’t true” because the “brain is an organ, not a muscle,” just get over yourselves and find a hobby. We write the column, we put our gluteus maximuses (see how I incorporated that, nerds who looked up the biggest muscle?) on the line and write what we want.
Anyway, this column has tested both our physical strength and our mental endurance, and we decided it was time to switch it up. And there is no better way to test yourself than sitting through the mental battle royale that is chess.
You may be saying to yourself, “Hey, Austin and Freddie, chess isn’t actually a varsity sport.” True, to the untrained eye and the Dartmouth Sports rookie fan, chess is not a varsity sport.
But they win tournaments, they are good at what they do and they challenged Freddie and me directly instead of us having to hunt them down on Sunday when we had been out late the night before and our editors get mad at us because its midnight and we still haven’t started. These are all things we look for in competitors.
To that end, we had to completely change our game plan in terms of preparation. We couldn’t just rely on our athletic prowess and physique. No, it wouldn’t work this week like it had that one week a few weeks back. Sort of.
We had to fight harder and feel the mental burn. So what did we do, specifically, you ask? We watched a bunch of movies about smart people who were good at smart people stuff: “A Beautiful Mind,” “Little Man Tate,” and of course our personal inspiration, “Searching for Bobby Fischer” which, for those of you who live under a rock in the chess world, is about Robert James Fischer, the youngest grandmaster ever and more importantly, honorary Legend.
Then we got an online chess account and burned through a couple games with the computer. Smoked ’em. Sure, it might have been on super easy mode, but we’re big picture people here. We eventually switched to real opponents, but stopped after some scrub 10-year-old from MiddleofNowhere, Iowa nearly took all our tuition money. We’re coming for you, LittleHawkeye2004.
So we hit up Kevin Wang ’14 and discussed our challenge. One game for all the marbles. For those of you out of touch with the Dartmouth club chess circuit, Kevin is the King of Kings. He takes down noobs in seven moves or less.
Thankfully, we are not noobs. No matter how exactly you spell it. We got on the scene and were not thrown off our game by Wang’s friendly attitude or his invite to grab a piece of pizza, as hospitable as it was. If we had learned anything from our previous competitions, it’s that we are not nearly as good at head games as we pretended to be.
Then the match started. Despite our failed attempts at a little friendly trash talk, Kevin was the most hospitable competition we faced, at least in the last week. We talked about family, friends, jobs and the like. All the while, he lulled me away from the match and was sneaking me into a chess trap that I will not even pretend to comprehend. His strategy was undeniable and the results were practically tangible. His death move, though, was something for Legend history. As he was preparing to move his piece into a checkmate that I would not have seen coming in five years, he said, “Ready for this?” and then beat me to a pulp.
Alright, so whatever. Kevin is good, and our movie preparation technique had a few flaws. We are figuring it out. 0-5-1. Sure, no team has ever had a record like that and come back to win a major championship, but who cares. We’re doing this for you, the people.
Speaking of, the Legends would like to give a shout out to all our fans fighting overseas. My old man is currently serving in Afghanistan and, as he represents half of our fan base, has been trying to spread the Legends worldwide. We are truly honored that some of our failures are able to bring you guys some laughs. In all seriousness, what you do day in and day out is truly legendary and we are all praying for your safe arrival home soon. As Veteran’s Day draws near, I would encourage all of you at Dartmouth to say thank you to someone that you know who has served this great country, as they are all around you. Without these brave men and women none of the things we legitimately treasure everyday as Americans would be possible.
