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Types of Instagrams You'll See During Green Key

(05/19/17 3:57pm)

Ah, yes. Here we are. We have entered the szn of pastel shorts and floral rompers. The szn of darties and rallying after waking up confused and slightly tipsy at 11:00 p.m. The szn of “if I pregame my 12, will I be sober enough for my meeting with my prof at 2:30?” Yup, you guessed it. We have entered Green Key szn. Whether you are ready or not, now is time to get shit done so you can focus on alcohol consumption and taking the perfect instagram picture this weekend. In preparation for the latter, I’ve compiled a list of the most common Green Key instas for some inspiration. In preparation for the former, well, I hope you’ve started carbo-loading.



7 Moms to Thank on Mother’s Day

(05/14/17 1:05pm)

Mother's Day. According to Wikipedia, it's "a celebration honoring the mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society." For those of us who don't have moms in Hanover to celebrate, think again. The maternal energy here is palpable, and there's never been a better time to acknowledge the alternative types moms of Dartmouth:


7 Times You Realized Dartmouth Turned You Degenerate

(05/12/17 4:07pm)

Ahhhh, college. Give a rouse for a liberal arts education and wholesome experiences that have the power to shape you as a person! However, have you ever wondered just how much these experiences have changed how you see the world? Fear not, for I can assure you that Dartmouth experiences have definitely changed you for the better. 


If 20th Century Icons had Juuls

(05/10/17 2:26am)

If you’re a Dartmouth student, you’ve likely seen Juuls, the e-cigarettes that offer an alternative to smoking. Now, I don’t have a strong opinion on vaping as a whole, but I applaud anything that encourages people to quit using tobacco products. That said, cigarettes are pretty ingrained in our culture — just look at the number of iconic movie characters known for smoking. So, what with our current culture of alternative facts (and alternative social spaces), I decided to reimagine classic movie and television scenes. What if your favorite characters had Juuls?


Alternative Tour Guide Script

(05/08/17 5:24pm)

As the prospies swarmed our campus last month, I wondered if they actually were getting anything meaningful from these tours that continued to block my path through Baker-Berry Library. While hustling out of the grim Novack Café scene one day, I #overheard "This is Novack, the inspirational and collaborative hub on campus," and I almost spit out my beyond bland coffee and choked on my over-priced fruit snacks. That statement was almost as accurate as Dick’s House telling a friend she was pregnant because she came in looking for cough drops. So, for all those prospies looking for a ~real~ tour of Dartmouth, here you go:


25 Things to Do While in Line for Pong

(05/07/17 2:01pm)

It’s Friday night, and you find yourself on Webster Ave. after a treacherous week filled with overdue papers and late night “studying” on FFB. You enter the basement of Sigma Apple Pie with the hopes of releasing all your pent up angst with a paddle, ball and a few cups of Keystone Light™. Wading through a sea of crushed cups and empty beer cans, you situate yourself next to a frat bro at a table.




People You Wish You Had On Find My Friends

(04/23/17 11:42pm)

Find My Friends, aka the best app creation known to man, has steadily blossomed into a way for friends (and enemies) alike to track the every location, whereabouts and habits of anyone who you can get to share their location with you. Some people might be hesitant to join in the fun (is it creepy?), but let it be known that using Find My Friends is neither creepy nor invasive in any way. We've all had those desperate moments when we want food from Late Night  but cannot bear to meander from the cozy comfort that is a dorm bed. No need to fear, though - hit up Find My Friends and extort that one softie you know will come through with Mac n' Cheese bites when you really need them. In addition to the classic food bearer, however, there are some other people you could really benefit from having on 24/7 location sharing - trust me:



What You Should Have Given Up for Lent Based on Your Zodiac Sign

(04/16/17 8:28pm)

I think I speak for everyone when I say, there’s at least one thing we all should have given up for Lent. Winter term is always a rough one, and spring term can bring about a marathon of questionable choices so we all give into our weaknesses at some point or another. However, now that Lent is over, spring is in full swing and midterms are upon us, you realize there’s always one luxury you could have gone without. Here are a few things that you should have given up for Lent based on your zodiac sign: 


How to Be Extra

(04/11/17 11:21pm)

Being extra is a way of life. It’s your own special way of living life to the fullest, the brightest, the most present way you can. Don’t ever let the haters get you down — you can never ever be too extra, and anyone who says you’re too much just isn’t enough. Always remember: If you’re not doing the most, you’re doing the least. 


So You Think You Can Dart: If Dartmouth Had Reality TV

(04/11/17 4:21pm)

I don’t know about you guys, but 17W's Dartmouth Idol was probably the highlight of my day/week/month/year/life not only because of the insane talent, but also because of a couple cuties who, I swear, were singing directly to me. The life changing experience prompted the thought: What other reality TV shows could potentially thrive at Dartmouth?


How to Attract the Attention of Your Non-Facetimey Crush

(04/10/17 12:41am)

There are two types of people in this world: those who are facetimey, and everyone else. Even when it seems like the entire campus and their prospies are in the KAF line post-10As or every machine in the gym is occupied, there are some elusive folks you just never see around. And, of course, your crush happens to be one of them. Perhaps the mystery adds to the allure, perhaps you just don’t know enough about them yet to know their daily habits and frequent locales, but you saw them in the Collis pasta line that one time and you’ve been infatuated ever since. It’s difficult to play hard-to-get when they’re hard-to-find, but with these tried-and-true methods, you won’t have to Foco squat in desperation to finally have that long-awaited interaction.





10 Ways to Honor Phil Hanlon this President's Day

(02/20/17 5:30pm)

College President Phil Hanlon lives a tough life. With his roles as a college administrator, prominent mathematician and side gig as an Alpha Delta legend in the flesh, our president has a lot on his plate. With President’s Day upon us, it’s time, we, as students, took some time out of our own lives to honor our dear leader. We cannot, of course, reach the levels of academic rigor that he espouses, nor can we achieve temperance of the sort he would like, but in his shadow we can grow to become the study beasts of PH77’s dreams.


Texts From Last Night: Winter Carnival 2017 Edition

(02/15/17 5:11am)

It was quite the magical Big Weekend for 17W. Whether you had one too many (butter)beers or someone hit you with a Forgetfulness Charm (Obliviate!), there's a good chance you may not remember some of the questionable texts you sent. Luckily (or unluckily), Dartbeat has proven once again that the internet is forever and no Vanishing Charm can save you. Without further ado, we present: the best "Texts from Last Night" from Winter Carnival.




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