Dudes on Parade: I have a dream
I was talking to a friend the other day and she happened to mention that the past few weeks she has been plagued by a recurring dream. One in which she had miraculously developed "sock hands."
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I was talking to a friend the other day and she happened to mention that the past few weeks she has been plagued by a recurring dream. One in which she had miraculously developed "sock hands."
I don't know about you guys but I had a rather extraordinary Halloween. I went as a Bitter Senior Dude with strep throat, who stayed in his room, watched (the crappy) "Halloween" sequels, and contemplated the possibility of suicide by cough drop consumption. You wouldn't believe it but almost no one could guess who I was, which surprised me, because I mean... come on... bitter guy with strep throat who doesn't go out? ... duh!
For a long time on campus I played rugby for the DRFC. Then this year, after burning Norwich University to the ground again (look it up), their team decided to take revenge on us by ripping my knee in half. They did not quite succeed; they just managed to dismantle my anterior cruciate ligament and implant some device in my eye-duct that made it produce some wet, salty substance that tasted like high school prom. Naturally, it's been a tough start to senior year.
Dear Freshmen,
Hello friends! I thought for a good deal of time about what I wanted to do in this first column. At first I tried being funny. A few hours later all I had to show was a wastebasket full of crumpled-up laptops, and the crushing realization that I will be going to law school next year. Undeterred, I decided to give "contemplative" a shot, and was devastated to find that my thinking cap had been decimated by moth-damage after being in storage since high school and had some residual vom-stains left over from Freshman Green Key. So I asked my friend(s) for help.
Yesterday I was playing "Risk: The Game of World Domination" and I got to thinking. Yes, thinking. You may ask, "What Tom? What were you thinking?" Now, answers to this question may normally include anything from "I was just really thinking that branch would support me" to "I was just really thinking she was a woman." In this instance however, I was thinking something far less emotionally scarring. I was thinking that it's about time we made our move on the rest of the Ivy League.
So they're taking Tubestock, and frankly, I'm not as upset as I should be. You see, I am an '07 and as such I have already experienced Tubestock. At least I think I experienced Tubestock. You can never be completely sure whether or not that day ever really happened, but such is the nature of the 'Stock and such is why no one is really going to miss it all that much. They simply do not remember it actually happening.