Other Things You Could Burn at The Homecoming Bonfire
Ah, Homecoming! ’21s, get ready to run your heart out while upperclassmen scream, “Worst class ever!” It’s truly a magical experience. We, upperclassmen, expect nothing less than 121 laps. But as powerful and cultish as the bonfire already is, some of us may wish to burn certain other things. Dartbeat brings you a list of nine things to burn at the bonfire that could potentially add a ~ritual of sacrifice~ kind of feel. However, be wary that there probably is not a fund set up by alumni to bail out students who do this…
1. Textbooks from the department you just knew you were going to major in
I didn’t want to be a sick econ bro anyway…
2. Anything that symbolizes the legacy of Alpha Delta
Since AD’s last class just graduated in the spring, let’s let their legacy go out in a blaze of fire.
3. Extra flair
’18s, unfortunately, no, you cannot wear a pink tutu to your Goldman Sachs internship. Tutus are quite flammable, so ’21s, you might want to steer clear of this kind of flair, unless you want to take touching the fire to a whole new level.
4. Foco To-Go boxes
The environment is doomed anyway, why should I have to pay an extra $4 to buy a reusable to-go box that’s not really to-go because I have to bring it back anyway?
5. Keystone boxes
No, Keystone boxes are not a cool and ~alternative~ way to decorate the walls of your dorm room. But since Keystone is debatably the essence of Dartmouth, it would be appropriate to honor its significance and fuel the fire with it.
6. Your crutches from freshman fall
Those crutches you had to use when you sprained your ankle freshman fall need to go! We all know you didn’t slip in the shower, but actually fell down the stairs in Theta Delta Chi, or tripped on the chain fence running out of Chi Heorot or tried to dance on a pong table in Sigma Alpha Epsilon.
7. Large napkin dispensers
If we burn the last of the napkin dispensers, do you think DDS will get the hint and bring back the small napkin dispensers??
8. Collis Center fence
Everyone jumps the fence in front of Collis at some point or another, all to beat that person who’s walking across the Green toward the bench that you had your eye on. Let’s just avoid the multiple failed attempts at hurdling over it while trying not to spill your stir fry and throw the fence in the fire!
9. Overused and abused frat shoes
If your frat shoes permanently reek of a frat basement so much so that the smell is accompanied with memories of freshman fall and all of the questionable decisions you made, you should take this opportunity to let them go up in smoke.