Friday the Thirteenth: Dartmouth Edition
5:30 a.m. – You wake up in the River to notice that your mattress topper has fallen off of your now-rock-hard bed. Your entire floor is just getting back from the only Thursday night party that allowed ’21s, and they’re louder than all three of your alarm clocks. You check your phone, and everything makes sense. It’s Friday the 13th: Dartmouth style.
7:45 a.m. – You head to drill, which for some reason is held in the Life Sciences Center, only to realize that you missed the blitz saying it was canceled today.
7:53 a.m. – You walk back from the Life Sciences Center; surely some KAF will brighten this unlucky day. After all, it will be your last KAF until Monday, unless … KAF is closed!
8:00 a.m. – Well, you don’t have class till 10:10, you’ve already walked all the way up from the River, and it’s supposed to rain. In your delirious, sleep-deprived, decaffeinated world, you decide now is the perfect time to write a flitz to your secret crush.
10:11 a.m. – You finish your flitz. It’s a haiku, and it follows as such:
I think you’re so cool
It’s fun to hang out with you
So this is a flitz.
10:12 a.m. – You run across the Green to get to class and slip in the mud pile that’s formed since the Hanover Fire Department doused the bonfire.
10:20 a.m. – Death by midterm.
11:30 a.m. – Of course today is the only x-hour of the term that your professor has decided to use.
12:21 p.m. – You go to Collis to get a smoothie, only for it to be 99 percent water.
12:24 p.m. – You go to the Hop, only to realize your DBA is already negative.
12:26 p.m. – Back to Collis. You decide to pick something up from Collis Market – finally, lunch!
1:48 p.m. – Study time! Better get all that pesky work out of the way before tonight’s shenanigans! You make your way through torrential rain to Baker-Berry, where you find that the only desk with an empty seat is on FFB. So. Much. Facetime.
1:51 p.m. – But wait! You have a blitz! And it’s from your crush! Your crush is responding to the flitz!
1:52 p.m. – “K.”
1:53 p.m. – Could any email be worse?! Apparently. Because you’ve also received a blitz from Phil Hanlon himself, informing you that the frat ban has been extended another two weeks.
1:54 p.m. – And just when you thought that was the worst email you could have received, another one pops up. Turns out, you have to go to court for trying to touch the fire.
4:01 p.m. – As you get ready to make the trek back to the River, you notice that you no longer hear the pit-patter of raindrops against the windows. Could this day be making a turn for the better?
4:02 p.m. – It’s Friday the 13th, of course not! It’s snowing! (So much for that September heat wave.)
4:30 p.m. – You decide to take a jog with a friend, only to realize that you are by far the NARP-iest of the two of you.
5:39 p.m. – Your dorm’s shower pressure unexpectedly falls.
5:47 p.m. – Finally, Dartmouth has decided to turn on the AC in your dorm.
6:59 p.m. – Is it too early to start the party? No, you decide – it’s been a terrible day, and you deserve a break. Alas, S&S seems to disagree.
8:27 p.m. – Where’s the scene?
9:35 p.m. – Still can’t find it.
10:21 p.m. – Just wandering around the Green.
11:11 p.m. – A lucky minute? Nope. It’s Friday the 13th.
11:59 p.m. – It’s almost over. Tomorrow, you will have all the KAF, receive all the flitzes, get the best seat on 3FB and find all the scenes.
12:00 a.m. – You promptly receive a text! And it’s from your crush! Who doesn’t actually hate you but didn’t have time to read the whole flitz! And you’ve been invited somewhere there’s free food! Goodbye, Friday the 13th! You may now welcome Saturday the 14th as such:
Happy Friday the 13th, everyone!