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The Dartmouth
March 28, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Decoding Your DDS Date

4.25.14.mirror.focodate
4.25.14.mirror.focodate

Congrats. You've been asked out by someone for a meal — just the two of you. Maybe you're just friends. But we're going to overanalyze this.

In order to better understand the on-campus dating dynamics (and because we thought it would be funny), we sent out a private investigator to go on dates to Collis, FoCo and the Hop.

The best way to ask someone out to an on-campus date is always over flitz. Even if you have the person’s number — flitz him or her. Say something along the lines of:

Subject: This is a flitz

Message: Remember me? Let’s grab a FoCo meal ... when are you free?

If you think this is too straightforward, don’t worry — it worked for our private investigator, who we sent on dates to various campus dining locations throughout the week.

If you are feeling a little less aggressive, maybe you could try something more like this:

Subject: wow we have so much

Message: work to do for econ. Want to grab a meal and work on our problem set?

Once you have sent the flitz, the next step is to wait. You may never hear from him or her again, either because you are undesirable or your flitz went into a black hole and he or she never got it. It is probably the latter because you sent such a banging flitz. Anyway, if you are lucky enough to receive an answer, you must pick the appropriate location for your on-campus date. There are several options and these all have different connotations, whether it’s for lunch or dinner.

The Class of 1953 Commons: If you go on a date at FoCo, where you sit says a lot about the person you are with and the nature of the relationship. Sitting on the dark side is the most conspicuous — everyone will see that you're on a date. Our private investigator sat with her date on the dark side at one of the long middle tables. When they first sat down, students were sitting on either side of them, but these people slowly moved down as the date progressed. Obviously they did not want to intrude on this romantic occasion.

“If you sit on the dark side, he’s totally into you,” Elinore Beitler ’16 said. “He wants people to see him with you.”

Hersh Trivedi ’16 agreed. “If I was interested in the girl, I would sit at a dark side table by the windows.”

On the other hand, so much facetime may detract from the opportunity for substantial conversation.

“FoCo in general is not the most romantic setting,” Jennie Cunningham ’17 said. “There’s something about a first date that you don't want to see everyone you know at dinner.”

You could also sit at one of the “date” tables — the awkwardly high green circle tables with the uncomfortable chairs on the light side. Date tables are less facetimey than those on the dark side and more conducive to conversation.

If you go upstairs, it’s either because you rule the NARPs or because you wish to avoid the facetime that comes with the downstairs scene. This might be because your date doesn’t want to be seen with you.

“Either he is totally not sure or he doesn't feel like taking you on a real date,” Tabby Sabky ’16 said. “Either way, he doesn't want to be seen with you.”

Other things to keep in mind at FoCo: getting food can be an ordeal. You have to decide whether to stay with your date while you get food.

“The thing about FoCo is you have to get food,” Casidhe Bethancourt ’16 explained. “The space is really big. Also you see everyone you know, and you have to talk to them and tell them that you are on a date. So it’s really obvious that you're on a date.”

Collis Cafe: A date at Collis is harder to decipher. The crowds could easily take away from the intimacy of a date. Friends will feel inclined to stop and talk to you. And long lines make the food search hard.

“If he’s waiting and you're not, it’s awkward,” Bethancourt said.

Our private investigator and her date were interrupted every time someone they knew walked in, which leads us to believe that it’s not a very intimate or romantic place to take someone on a first date — but it’s great to have friends stop by if the conversation is getting a bit dry or forced.

If you're just grabbing lunch after 12s, there is a high chance that they are not interested in being more than friends. They probably just wanted someone to eat with. If it’s a dinner date, this could mean something more.

Like your stir-fry order, there are many ways to customize Collis dates. We suggest taking your food to go. It’s springtime and eating outside is a great way to have a romantic date.

Hop (Courtyard Cafe): We think that the most underrated date spot is the Hop. The grill line forces conversation, and the food is comfortable like an old pair of pajamas. Nothing breaks the ice like sharing a chicken tender queso. For the health-conscious, the Hop has even stepped up its game, since the salad bar has recently improved drastically.

Alex Rafter ’16 said that the Hop would be his ideal spot for an on-campus date for the food and the atmosphere.

“It has a romantic vibe — flowers on the tables, and the employees are friendly,” he said. “It’s a very intimate setting.”

Unlike Collis, the Hop was empty when our private investigator went there with her date, so no one bothered them and everyone just minded their own business. Clearly, the Hop is a great place for scoring some private time with your potential soulmate.

King Arthur Flour: Coffee? If you are getting coffee on campus, this is probably not a date. I mean KAF is chill, but standing in line for 10 minutes before getting coffee and then going back to your study table hardly constitutes a date. Do not read into this!

Novack Cafe: Never go on a date to Novack. First of all, what would you eat? A bagel? Try not to get cream cheese all over your face. Novack is worse than being friend-zoned: it’s where study groups go to meet and relationships go to die.

But then again, these are all on-campus dates. If you're feeling serious, take him or her out to eat in Hanover (or better yet, one of those cute old married people restaurants in Vermont, like the Norwich Inn or Simon Pearce).

With so many options, lots of things can go wrong. But if you're lucky, maybe you will tell your children one day about how you and your partner shared your first meal under fluorescent lighting, stared at by a slew of strangers.