The deranged individuals at CNN Money that rated Hanover as the sixth best place to live in America were obviously off of their collective rockers have you seen how unsafe this town is? These people failed to realize that plaguing the clean streets, the manicured Green and the stately buildings are college students who act as if they are roaming around a playground that simply never closes.
You may wonder, who cares if it's 5 o'clock in the morning, conversation got boring and an extremely plastered 19-year-old stumbles and staggers back to his or her room all alone? Many of us know this scenario all too well, yet we rarely hesitate to question the carelessness of such actions. Transport that drunkie to New Haven, Philadelphia or any other college town that did not quite make the "best places to live" cut, and you get a recipe for disaster.
It is unclear whether our seclusion at Dartmouth is beneficial because it allows us to temporarily exist in a fun and wild limbo, or if it's detrimental, as it typically blinds us from understanding what the world is like as an adult.
But one thing is clear: The idea of safety and security (the concept, not the organization) at night is definitely different here than it is elsewhere.
If you're searching for proof of this statement, look no further than the memorable tale of one male '13, who wished to remain anonymous due to the sensitive nature of the situation. Walking back from Kappa Delta Epsilon sorority, he was approached by a Safety and Security officer who asked if he needed to go to Dick's House. While his female companion insisted he was fine, our noble protagonist willingly obliged.
"F*ck yeah I wanna go to Dick's House," he said, as he happily jumped into the car.
In the waiting room, the student made close friends with two old ladies who shared with him their life stories. Crying like a baby, the student was comforted by the police, who swiftly morphed from aggressors to nurturers. When he awoke the next morning, the student's left nipple was covered in sharpie, his belt was nowhere to be found and he was wearing sunglasses on his head.
The efficacy of the nighttime safety precautions at Dartmouth must also be questioned. A '14 male student, who also wished to remain anonymous due to the illegality of his activities, went up to a few members of Dartmouth Emergency Medical Services one night while blacked out, asked them for a ride and was turned down. I never knew there was a waiting list.
At other times, however, it seems as if Safety and Security officers yearn so much for the occasional chase scene, a tremendous drug bust or a report of a missing computer that they seek out students to enslave in Dick's House. Aliza Green '15, a law-abiding citizen if I have ever seen one, was one such victim.
"I had to go to Diversions because I blew a 0.023," Green said.
Clearly, Hanover's own defenders of the law were on a mission to find felons just like Green, who cause mayhem on our campus at night.
Perhaps the biggest threat to safety that Hanover has seen at night in the past few years was the masturbator, a foul fiend who went around to various off-campus houses at night, stood in front of girls' beds and, well... I'm sure you can figure out the rest. I don't remember whether or not he actually got caught, but there were definitely at least 10 comics drawn about him in The D. He alone probably could have bumped our A+ College Prowler safety rating down to an A.
Nonetheless, it seems that students' attitudes toward nighttime safety remain pretty lax on the whole. The Blue Light Challenge is a perfect example of this. A streaking tradition in which students strip and sprint around campus, pressing the emergency button on all 31 Code Blue phones while attempting to evade campus security, the challenge is a complete mockery of the safety systems at the College.
Unfortunately, few students know this tradition exists, and even fewer find it appealing. In fact, I have come into contact with exactly zero of these naked-marathonesque-blue-light-challengers. So rock on, whoever you are.
One wreaker of havoc I know recently performed the PG version of the challenge, hitting the same blue light three nights in a row when walking back to his room from a fraternity.
Our blue light daredevil was never caught by Safety and Security, so watch out everyone. Keep your eyes peeled for someone who looks as if they enjoy pressing buttons.
Best of luck.
