The Legends have already accomplished much in the wide world of athletics home runs in Little League, recruitment letters from various D-II colleges, 200+ (oz) bench presses and sub-5:00 miles. After a long discussion (at the Hop), The Legends realized it was time to go beyond The Dartmouth beyond Dartmouth and fight for America. With the World Cup upon us, Katz and Ludlow came to the following conclusion: "We could make the U.S. roster if we start training now ... right?"` Later that night, Katz ran into women's soccer player Peyton Tata '11 studying in Novack, offered to buy her an Odwalla ("No, thanks") and said, "You don't know me, but I've seen you all over the Dartmouth Sports page. My friend and I are trying out for the U.S. National Team soon and need some competition. Let's play."
Tata, a big supporter of football (soccer), America and Katz's prescription Oakleys, agreed to help the Legends on their quest to run alongside Ronaldo and Messi.
Tata enlisted the help of her teammate, Emma "Paint" Brush '13, known for her smile and extensive shin guard collection (lots of colors). Brush, a native of Grosse Pointe, Mich., (French for "Highly Competitive U-18 Soccer Teams") could juggle a soccer ball even before she said her first words ("RED CARD"). She entered the Grosse Point recreational soccer program at age five, leading the Red Rovers to the Kinder-Kicks title and excelling at putting the straw in Capri Sun Coolers (a skill with which Katz struggles to this day).
After multiple nine-goal games and one very aggressive slide tackle, the Supreme Court decided 5-4 to move her up to club level (U.S. Soccer v. Emma Brush). Brush obliged and led her club team to eight national titles in three years indoors, outdoors and underwater. She chose Dartmouth because one third of the team hails from California and she loves The OC (huge crush on Ben McKenzie). She wears No. 23 for Dartmouth, but like her hero, LeBron James (Midwest Legend), she will stop wearing the number as homage to another Midwest Legend, Michael Jordan.
Tata, the Legends' ambassador to the female sports world, hails from Virginia Beach, Va., "the Harvard of the Beaches." In middle school, she started a movement called "Tackle the Tourists" that encouraged locals, or "beachies," to sack unsuspecting visitors. She single-handedly ruined the Beach's 2000 summer, after tackling 40 to 50 "beach invaders."
One fateful Christmas, Tata received "Air Bud: World Pup" and "Kickin' It," two of the most influential soccer movies of all time. Tata joined the local beach soccer (not the MiniClip game) league and led her squad ("The Beach Bunnies") to the No Shoes, No Problem soccer title. When it came time to choose a college, Peyton had a tough time deciding, but was sold when the Dartmouth coaching staff mentioned its intense negotiations with DJ Casper to change his classic "Cha-Cha Slide" to "Ta-Ta Slide" (The NCAA is currently investigating this possible recruiting violation).
Tata continuously changed the location and time of the match and was hard to reach by phone or e-mail, a common Virginian soccer tactic used to rattle two v. two opponents. When the pairs finally did come together, neither side had thought to bring a ball, so they stole one from the clutches of one of AD's dogs (hey, Vic). Because walking to a field would require walking to a field, the group stopped at the nearby tennis courts and started a best of three match of "Soccer Tennis" think pong using feet and soccer balls.
The Legends fell behind 8-1, refusing to use any body parts except their heads (Student-Athletes). Brush sassed, "You know, you can use your feet too." Ludlow and Katz then unleashed multiple "Brush" jokes, including "Go Brush your teeth," "Brush your hair," "Let's Brush this off," and finally, "Shut up paint Brush." The jokes frazzled Brush at first, 8-5, but not enough for a win. 11-5.
The Legends were not finished, though, and entered the second game "finally knowing the rules." They exhibited a much cleaner game, still using mostly headers but now chest too. They still went down 8-1 early, but after a live ball at the net that Katz headed down for the point, 8-2, the Legends got JACKED UP and smelled victory (faint). The score got as close as 9-6, with Tata exclaiming, "I'm actually a little nervous," but the D-I athletes earned the W on an epic 35-hit rally, 11-6. The Legends held their heads high as Katz stole Tata's varsity sweater and Ludlow snagged Brush's shin guards (off her shins). Final score 1-1.
The Legends would like to thank Tata and Brush for taking time out of their Spring term to take on some fans (Hey Myra). The women's soccer team is always a force in the Ivy League and NCAA, and a win over the Legends practically guarantees post-season success. We hope.
Until Green Key, YES, GREEN KEY, stay Legendary.
