It's Thursday and it's Winter Carnival, which makes it the most legendary Thursday of the Winter term no excuses.
The Legends decided that they are bored with D-I sports and wanted a little more originality. Since the College has no organized curling program, sword fighting was an excellent alternative. While the sword fighting club is not technically a varsity sport, and they call it "fencing" here, it is still a very well attended and committed club sport (in which one sword fights as a sport which is sick).
The Legends were graciously welcomed by Tommy McQuillan '13 who started his sword-fighting career as a "Lost Boy" in Neverland fighting alongside the legendary Rufio, Robin Williams and Tinkerbell.
After receiving his first kiss while watching "Star Wars: Episode II- Attack of the Clones", McQuillan was inspired to commit 100 percent to the "lightsaber" discipline. Unfortunately, his club soon experienced budget cuts and could not make its yearly trip to Dantooine in the Adega system to pick up their stock of Kaiburr crystals to power the weapon, so McQuillan subsequently settled for the regular "sabre."
With the power of the metal sword harnessed and an 87 percent win rate over his opponents including a Northeast Regional Victory over Link from Zelda, McQuillan gained acceptance to Dartmouth College.
The fencing challenge was a dream come true for the Legends as both grew up aspiring to be pirates. Katz is constantly mistaken for Orlando Bloom and Ludlow once shot 12 under par at Ocean City Pirate Mountain mini golf.
Ludlow had essentially been preparing for this moment since age five, when his Burger King Big Kid's meal awarded him his first authentic ninja sword. Katz a true student-athlete read "Disney Jr. Graphic Novels #4, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."
To top off their training, the Legends went to Medieval Times a jousting-themed restaurant in north Jersey the night before, just in case their sword fight involved horseback riding. After a knighting by King Arthur ($7 each), the Legends prepared to duel.
Ludlow and Katz arrived at the arena below the squash courts at dusk, donning eye patches, bandanas, a boombox and parrots (two each). That lady who checks your ID over and over again even though she definitely knows who you are at this point did not allow Katz to bring in his sword-sharpening stone.
Ludlow approached McQuillan and slapped him in the face, thereby initiating the challenge of a duel and confirming that a battle was going down.
McQuillan seemed unfazed and told Ludlow, "No parrots in the battle arena. Oh, and you know you should probably wear a protective vest and mask and learn the rules this isn't Outback Steakhouse."
Forty-five minutes later, the Legends changed out of their pirate costumes and into proper fencing wear. McQuillan continued to attempt to explain the rules of the sport to Katz and Ludlow who couldn't grasp that there was so much structure and so little "stabbing and slashing."
McQuillan likened the fencing stroke to a poke more than a stab, but Ludlow replied, "This isn't Facebook. No pokes, let's battle."
Katz put his Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack on his boombox to set the scene. Ludlow fought first and while he got some good shots in that would vanquish any foe in the movies the "rules" kept him from actually registering any points on McQuillan. He lost 15-0.
Katz had similar trouble with the Aragorn-esque McQuillan and also got "chopped" 15-0.
The real battle, however, came between the Legends themselves. Their entire lives had been leading up to this moment, the one battle that would settle the final score between good and evil in the world.
While McQuillan carried the boombox playing the Pirates soundtrack, Ludlow and Katz fought themselves into the center squash court until Ludlow had Katz cornered and forced his surrender.
The Legends ignored McQuillan's pleas to stop and that "the point had been over for 13 minutes," but finally made their way back to the fencing arena. Once they finished the match "traditionally," Ludlow won 15-10.
The duo enjoyed the bout so much that they carried the swords for the next two days until childhood dreams finally realized they traded them for breakfast sandwiches with Collis Ray.
The Legends would like to thank McQuillan and the Dartmouth Fencing Team for letting them take a "stab" at the ancient sport, and they wish good luck to those competing the weekend of Feb. 21 at the New England Championships.
Next week brings field hockey with Ivy League All-Star Kelly Hood '12 and friends, but until then, have a Legendary Carnival.
