Everybody's talking about it. The Chicago Cubs are approaching the halfway point of the 2008 baseball season with one of the best records in the game. Historians can attest to the fact that the last time the Cubs had the league's best record as late as June was in 1908, the last time the Cubs won a World Series. For you math enthusiasts, that's a 99-year championship drought, the longest in the four major sports.
Good teams apparently come to "The North Siders" of Chicago once every 100 years, because this year's team, like the team that won it all in 1908, is really good. They have power up and down the lineup, are fundamentally sound, have timely pitching and are almost unbeatable at home so far.
But the Cubs will not win the World Series. In fact, they won't even GET to the World Series.
The Cubbies have one of the most heartbreaking histories in all of sports, well past the point of becoming pitiable. Chronicling these countless events is beyond the scope of this column, but highlights on the timeline of futility include the Curse of the Billy Goat in 1945 and the Steve Bartman fiasco in 2003 that allowed the Marlins to come from behind and advance to the World Series.
But this year's team is different, Cubs fans are exclaiming. These Cubbies have what it takes to win it all, they insist. To me, this seems to be the ultimate heartbreak in the making. Year after year I hear that this is the season the Cubbies will win, and every year they find new ways to lose in dramatic fashion.
So how will it happen this year? No one knows, but here are some of my favorite possibilities:
8) Poetic justice is served when Kerry Wood, once the image of Cub optimism, devastates fans once more by blowing the save in game seven of the National League Championship Series.
7) It is revealed that Alfonso Soriano is actually 45 years old when he develops arthritis and is forced to retire. He is replaced in the outfield by Felix Pie, a largely useless player with a ridiculous name. Pie grounds into a double play every at bat during the Championship Series, killing every Cub rally, and the "Bleacher Bums" fittingly throw lemon meringue pies at Felix in the outfield.
6) You can't go from being "loveable losers" to "loveable winners." No such label exists. Winners too often become arrogant and despised (see the Red Sox). The Cubs realize this, and they decide they no longer want to win. The world's pity gives them comfort.
5) Manager Lou Piniella blows a fuse, hits a St. Louis Cardinal player with a baseball bat, and is suspended for the rest of the year. The interim coach takes over, and the rest of the season mirrors that of the nearby Indiana Hoosiers men's basketball team (e.g. disaster).
4) Ace Carlos Zambrano starts another fight with his own teammate (a la Michael Barrett), but instead of being against a scrawny 200-pound player, Zambrano picks a fight with Derrek Lee, standing at 6-foot-5 and weighing in at 250 pounds. The resulting titanic tussle is largely one-sided. Zambrano is out for the season, and the Cubs are out of the playoffs.
3) Steve Bartman comes out of hiding, has a child and the doomed lad robs the Cubs of an out in the deciding game seven of the Championship Series, prompting a furious comeback by the opponents to take the lead and the World Series from Cubby hands once again.
2) Aramis Ramirez develops the mysterious unnamed disease that plagues other players with the last name Ramirez. Symptoms include chronic laziness and uncontrollable urges to relieve oneself during pitching changes.
1) After seeing how annoying Boston fans became after winning their first World Series in 85 years, Cubs fans realize they are at risk of following Boston's lead. Consequently, they stop supporting their team, the Cubs no longer enjoy an observable home-field advantage, and the team slips back into their comfortable spot in the cellar of the NL Central division.
Regardless of how it ultimately ends up occurring, this season is setting up to be one of the great heartbreaks in Cub history. It seems almost inevitable. All that's left now is to sit back, relax and watch the latest chapter of Cubbie collapse unfold over the course of the next few months.
