I recently caught up with Lindsey Wolf '08 -- reluctant iconoclast by day, best kept secret in the junior class by night. (Did you know, for example, that Lindsey is the dark-haired co-star of the daily comic by Hayley Kennedy '08? Well, she is.)
We talked about Virginia Tech. I told her it had overwhelmed me like no news before.
"Wait -- Alex Howe has a heart?"
"I found it in Biloxi!"
I was embarrassed by the blurted enthusiasm at first, but I meant it. The opposite happened during a Seinfeldian episode at a Wendy's drive-thru yesterday: I didn't mean it and wasn't embarrassed (but should've been).
I can no more explain it than forget it.
I took a long time to decide; by the sound of it, a young man was taking my order. From nowhere, it struck: the ephemeral chumminess of male strangers. I laughed; he gave me the friendly "Alright, man."
When I finished my order, he said, "So, Coke with that?"
Compelled by forces I neither understood nor desired, I was suddenly an extra in a "Gogurt" commercial.
"You know what? No. I'm gonna take a walk on the wild side. Dr. Pepper."
"Haha, look at you. Crazy! $7.63 at the window."
In a daze, I pulled up. And like that, it was gone. Now face to face, the instant rapport evaporated like so much boiling French fry grease. We were awkward strangers again, all business. I paid without a word and drove away as I arrived, as we all arrive: alone, alone, alone.
On Monday, the festival of importance known as Student Assembly elections begins.
I won't feign objectivity. Nova Robinson '08 and Carlos Mejia '08 both had my back when it counted and both have my endorsement. Luckily, Dartmouth is (seriously) among the national vanguard of Instant Runoff Voting. Sophomores and juniors, rank Nova first and Carlos second. Upperclassmen, the opposite.
(The tie will be broken by Speaker of the [Animal] House Josh Ring '08, who will secretly assign each candidate to a bicep and flex, the victory going to the huger.)
For three reasons, none of this matters.
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On a personal level, I can't vote. My suspension bars my DND access. (I'm a sad-ass panda, let me tell you.) On that subject (because they still have to let me back in): Parkhurst (may I call you Parker?), I've been counting the reasons I love thee. The top three: benevolence, physical beauty and Christ-like forgiveness. (For the record: my punishment was deserved, necessary and helpful. Really.) (Tell me when my paragraphs get too parenthetical. [Already?])
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The second reason my endorsement of Nova and Carlos may not matter: they're underdogs. If Facebook-group PACs are any indication, Raj Koganti '08 is the clear frontrunner, with 125 students in his corner. Travis Green '08, who is running the slickest, most overtly political campaign, is next with 97.
Raj calls to mind former candidate Paul Heintz '06. Both are ADs, for one. Heintz's bid for Assembly President fell only twenty-nine votes short. In fact, the top "Related Group" of Raj's Facebook headquarters -- the group with the highest percentage of overlapping members -- is "The Twenty-Nine Vote Coalition," a memorial of Heintz's near-victory.
Heintz, then, is the Ghost to Raj's Hamlet -- the spirit demanding filial vengeance. (And no one doubts the Shakespearean resonance of "Guy and Fellow," rest their filthy souls.)
This year's race seems a shave less competitive, and Raj may run away with it. Even if he doesn't, a coup of sorts is probable, and anyone would be an improvement on the abortive Andreadis administration.
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The third reason my endorsement of Nova and Carlos doesn't matter is the most familiar: Student Assembly doesn't matter either. Drive 10 minutes outside of Hanover into any of the surrounding impoverished communities and help out for an hour. You'll have done more good than a year's worth of haggling over the bylaws of a student government.
Which is not to say, of course, that Dartmouth is above improvement. It's just that, in my opinion, many of our most salient problems are matters of student culture, an arena well beyond the practical reach of the Assembly.
While Bored at Baker remains the wasteland where Good goes to die, it still occasionally provides useful glimpses into student sentiment.
For example, on April 1, "i have a love/hate relationship with dartmouth" received twenty-six thumbs-ups and only one thumbs-down. On March 29, "why does everything at dartmouth feel so shallow" was approved thirty-one to three, a landslide.
The fundamental superficiality of Dartmouth's culture is a complex problem. Greek dominance does not help, nor does the immense wet blanket named Tradition hanging over Hanover.
The truly impressive Student Assembly candidate will drop the bullshit and tackle that. Carlos? Nova? ... Raj?
E-mail Alex at howeas@gmail.com
