I was really having a great week. My Twins clinched a playoff spot, my fantasy football pulled out what I would describe as a "gutsy" win this weekend; I went 8-6 against the spread in my football picks, proving my many naysayers completely wrong. It was almost enough to make me forget that I have my LSATs this Saturday, or that I haven't gone out in about a month (my housemates at Chi Gam have almost forgotten that I live there).
Then I open Wednesday's issue of The Dartmouth, and what do I see? Rob Esposito's "Walking on Eggshells: Cleaning up the Mess." And he got to all the good jokes early, too: Chris Simms' spleen explosion, the Cardinals' implosion, the Madden Cover Curse and Shaun Alexander. Everything. Oh well. I guess it's Minnesota Twins columns every week until I graduate or he quits. Did I mention they clinched a playoff berth?
Or I guess I can do NFL picks. Turns out I'm not that bad at it. Home teams in bold.
San Diego (-2.5) over Baltimore. I'll never pick Baltimore again, after the way they choked my inaugural "Lock of the Week" against Cleveland. Really, that Ravens offense is horrible.
Carolina (-7.5) over New Orleans. This line scares the hell out of me. Seven and a half is a lot of points. But the line is still going up; some casinos have the Panthers giving eight. So Vegas likes Carolina and I guess I do too. This seems like a classic letdown game for New Orleans, and Carolina is a lot friskier with Steve Smith back.
Miami (-3.5) over Houston. When two teams suck, and you hate both of them, how do you make a pick? I go with the team I hate less, and Dominick Davis' torpedoing of my fantasy football team outweighs my everlasting hatred for Daunte Culpepper.
Indianapolis (-9) over the Jets. I think the Jets are pretty underrated, and nine points is big. But this is classic Peyton domination time; he won't blow up and lose games for Indy until the stretch drive or the playoffs.
Tennessee (+10) over Dallas. I won't make any Terrell Owens jokes right now. The man may actually be seriously disturbed. But I'm gonna keep riding the Titans to cover big spreads against shaky teams, and I think Dallas is the definition of a shaky team, even without a manic-depressive star wideout.
Atlanta (-7) over Arizona. Kurt Warner is coming apart at the seams, and Atlanta probably got at least a two-for-one wins deal in exchange for throwing the Monday-nighter against the Saints.
Minnesota (+1) over Buffalo. I'm picking my own team. I spit in the face of fate.
San Francisco (+7) over Kansas City. Meh.
Thin atmosphere (3x) over Denver. My favorite moment from last week: Denver's Patrick Chukwurah booting repeatedly on the Mile High Stadium field like a 2010 girl who's enjoying her first weekend of "no parents" a little too much. And NBC caught it three times on camera! Quality television!
St. Louis (-6) over Detroit. If you go by Roy Williams' metric, the Lions have "almost" scored about 100 points this season. After this game it'll be "almost" 150 (the "real" point total will be more like 50).
Cleveland (-3) over Oakland. Blech.
Jacksonville (-3) over Washington. Beating up on the helpless Texans means nothing. This is still the same Redskins team whose first-team offense never scored in the preseason and who racked up 26 points in their first two games.
Seattle (+3.5) over Chicago. Seattle didn't have a ground game before losing Shaun Alexander, so why would it matter now? Chicago's been playing over their heads all season, and they should have lost to the Vikings last week. Now it catches up with them.
Philadelphia (-11) over Green Bay. I hate huge spreads like this. But Green Bay sucks, and Philadelphia will play like they did last week, and not like they did against the Giants, right? Right?
New England (+6) over Cincinnati. I think this is the hardest game of the week to handicap. I love Cincy because they're like a team of Lawrence Taylors: booze, arrests, hookers and football. But I don't think the Pats can be this bad. Though maybe I've just spent too much time in the Northeast to be impartial.
Last Week: 8-6. Season: 8-6.
