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The Dartmouth
July 10, 2025 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Michael Jordan's Second Coming

Even days after the long-anticipated announcement, Michael Jordan's retirement resonates throughout the land. And fans who feel abandoned by the man who was greatest to play the game of basketball have but one recourse ...

...to look for the next Michael Jordan.

A quick scan of www.Whitepages.com gives a preponderance of options. Listings for 763 Michael Jordans currently exist, with those of many more named after the Chicago Bulls superstar soon to be of white page age.

Each of these Michael Jordans surely possesses a quality of stardom just like the one America knows best--after all, the name is synonymous with success and excitement.

Who's to say that the Michael Jordan who currently resides in Anchorage, Alaska, will not in his lifetime play his way onto the cover of 40 Sports Illustrateds?

Who would doubt Chaptico, Maryland's own Michael Jordan winning game-opening tipoffs over centers six inches taller than he early in his NBA career and then improving his positioning and long-range shooting as his athleticism declined?

Couldn't the Michael Jordan of Hillsboro, Oregon, be the heir to His Airness?

Why wouldn't Michael Jordan of La Belle, Florida, take over a game down the stretch or drop 55 points on a stunned New York Knicks team?

Couldn't the Michael Jordan who lives in Lake Havasu City, Arizona, garner more press with his high-flying acrobatics and smooth turnaround jumper than, well, Michael Jordan?

Why not?

An Ivy League basketball follower can turn to Philadelphia for its next hoops savior. The University of Pennsylvania boasts a basketball-playing Michael Jordan, who even wears number 23. His numbers are modest (13.5 points per game, 4.5 assists), but, hey, it's a start.

Any Upper Valley resident need look no farther than the local phone book to find a possible answer to the void left by the Bullish One's exit: Michael Jordan of Killington, Vermont.

Couldn't this Jordan inspire another generation of Nike-wearing youngsters to "be like Mike?"

Or perhaps a new slogan will result from Layton, Utah's Michael Jordan. (Think: "I Like Mike" or "CFO Jordan").

Wouldn't you buy a new pair of Air Jordans featuring an airborne silhouette of Marysville, Washington's hoops superstar Michael Jordan?

Of course you would.

There is, unfortunately, one drawback to all of this speculation about Michael Jordan.

What's to say the next Michael Jordan (maybe the one from Sandpoint, Idaho) won't leave his fans and the city that worships him while at the top of his game to go play minor league baseball?

That possibility should not be considered too strongly, however. Surely, every man who bears the name Jordan has learned where he belongs--on the court, not in the outfield.

All of this brings us to the crux of the matter: Who is the next Michael Jordan?

Why, Michael Jordan, of course.

Why pass the torch to pretenders like Anfernee Hardaway, Grant Hill or Allen Iverson, when there's a perfectly good Michael Jordan near you?