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All true young people have an incredible ability to find out information about each other based on 10 grainy photos from high school and an embarrassing profile pic circa 2010. It’s called Facebook stalking, y’all; look it up. We all know where you’re from, what we’re studying, what we did over the summer, and what groups you’re part of on campus (thx social media). It’s high time that rush questions take it up a level. I’m talking friendship-breaking, alliance-making, life-changing Q and A. Here are some better questions to ask during rush:
You’re a freshman. You’ve only been in Hanover for a month, but, being the cool, independent guy/gal you are, you try to seem like the expert in all things Dartmouth. Just one problem: There’s still a lot you don’t know. Like, a lot.
KAF is closed on the weekends. If you're a ’21 or someone who just doesn’t love themselves, this might not mean much to you, but if you value your life (and your chocolate milk), this term has probably been pretty devastating so far. Yes, you still get to enjoy the little pleasures in life, like those last sips of raspberry lemonade or waiting in line until your third son’s graduation just to find out they’re out of all acceptable lunch foods, but there’s nothing like the hungover morning pilgrimage to KAF for a chocolate milk with 40 shots to get through the Sunday scaries. I have yet to find the formal petition to reopen KAF, so until that glorious day comes, here are a few ways to survive the weekend without your caffeine, flaky pastries or dignity.
I walk to
the Life Sciences Center every day (because I am a poor planner) and would like
to think I’m pretty familiar with the trek. But this year I noticed something
different — recently, someone has installed a giant speaker playing soothing,
yet baffling, water noises and mating whale noises on the outside of the
building. So, as a serious Dartbeat investigator, I decided to look into this
latest Dartmouth foolishness.
Ever spend 45 minutes waiting for the Hop Grill? Has the KAF line already made you consistently late to your chemistry class? Sick of spending half your day waiting for food but not that interested in starving yourself? With these seven super convenient, definitely legal and absolutely socially acceptable life hacks, you’ll never have to wait in a DDS line again!
Have you ever wondered what your First-Year Trip would have been like (or what it will be like) if you were assigned a trip based on your zodiac sign? Maybe you hoped to experience something more suited to your personality. Or maybe being forced out of your comfort zone is what made (or will make) your trip so unforgettable. Well, regardless of how your trip went, here’s what your horoscope says about which trip you should have done:
Girls’ rush is a process filled with … you see, that’s the problem — no one really knows. As ’20s, we begin to see guys flirting with brothers once the frat ban lifts, but for girls, rush is equal parts confusing, intimidating and a whole lot of mysterious. So when pre-rush events started popping up over spring term, one should not be shocked that extreme panic pursued. We went from being totally prepared to girl flirt fall term to having no idea what to do, how to act or most importantly, what to wear. So if you’ve ever wondered about the thought process that girls go through before a pre-rush event, here it is.
We all know the motto for spring term’s big weekend: “Green Key is a marathon, not a sprint.” If you’re reading this, that means you made it past the finish line, and whether or not you crawled that last leg or not, you are a CHAMPION. And no matter what your weekend was like, we're sure it was filled with loving alums, sunshine, darties and a whole lot of MDF approved alcohol. And even more potent than the surges of regret you are still reeling from in your Annex B cubicle are the drunk texts hanging over your head like a raincloud of shame. And just like we do every year, Dartbeat has compiled the most hilarious and egregious Green Key texts you'll never live down:
’17: "What do you think is more likely, me getting with an ’11 or a ’21?"
Ah, yes. Here we are. We have entered the szn of pastel shorts and floral rompers. The szn of darties and rallying after waking up confused and slightly tipsy at 11:00 p.m. The szn of “if I pregame my 12, will I be sober enough for my meeting with my prof at 2:30?” Yup, you guessed it. We have entered Green Key szn. Whether you are ready or not, now is time to get shit done so you can focus on alcohol consumption and taking the perfect instagram picture this weekend. In preparation for the latter, I’ve compiled a list of the most common Green Key instas for some inspiration. In preparation for the former, well, I hope you’ve started carbo-loading.
“If you split a 5 Hour Energy, do you get two and a half hours of full energy
or five hours of half energy?”
Mother's Day. According to Wikipedia, it's "a celebration honoring the mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society." For those of us who don't have moms in Hanover to celebrate, think again. The maternal energy here is palpable, and there's never been a better time to acknowledge the alternative types moms of Dartmouth:
Ahhhh, college. Give a rouse for a liberal arts education and wholesome experiences that have the power to shape you as a person! However, have you ever wondered just how much these experiences have changed how you see the world? Fear not, for I can assure you that Dartmouth experiences have definitely changed you for the better.
If you’re a Dartmouth student, you’ve likely seen Juuls, the e-cigarettes that offer an alternative to smoking. Now, I don’t have a strong opinion on vaping as a whole, but I applaud anything that encourages people to quit using tobacco products. That said, cigarettes are pretty ingrained in our culture — just look at the number of iconic movie characters known for smoking. So, what with our current culture of alternative facts (and alternative social spaces), I decided to reimagine classic movie and television scenes. What if your favorite characters had Juuls?
As the prospies swarmed our campus last month, I wondered if they actually were getting anything meaningful from these tours that continued to block my path through Baker-Berry Library. While hustling out of the grim Novack Café scene one day, I #overheard "This is Novack, the inspirational and collaborative hub on campus," and I almost spit out my beyond bland coffee and choked on my over-priced fruit snacks. That statement was almost as accurate as Dick’s House telling a friend she was pregnant because she came in looking for cough drops. So, for all those prospies looking for a ~real~ tour of Dartmouth, here you go:
It’s Friday night, and you find yourself on Webster Ave. after a treacherous week filled with overdue papers and late night “studying” on FFB. You enter the basement of Sigma Apple Pie with the hopes of releasing all your pent up angst with a paddle, ball and a few cups of Keystone Light™. Wading through a sea of crushed cups and empty beer cans, you situate yourself next to a frat bro at a table.
Earlier this week, I was texting my editors about trying to be better about turning in my articles on time. This is how it went:
Need help drafting that perfect flitz? Have no fear, Dartbeat
is here! Here are six different types of flitzes you’ll find in circulation that
will help you craft your own. Get inspired and let your creative juices flow.
Feel free to mix and match but remember that fortune favors the bold. Happy
Find My Friends, aka the best app creation known to man, has steadily blossomed into a way for friends (and enemies) alike to track the every location, whereabouts and habits of anyone who you can get to share their location with you. Some people might be hesitant to join in the fun (is it creepy?), but let it be known that using Find My Friends is neither creepy nor invasive in any way. We've all had those desperate moments when we want food from Late Night but cannot bear to meander from the cozy comfort that is a dorm bed. No need to fear, though - hit up Find My Friends and extort that one softie you know will come through with Mac n' Cheese bites when you really need them. In addition to the classic food bearer, however, there are some other people you could really benefit from having on 24/7 location sharing - trust me:
Now that Easter and Passover are over, it’s time for the unholy holiday that everyone has been waiting for. We all know you’re going to ignore that New Hampshire is a little bit behind the times, so here are some ways to celebrate Hanover style.