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QUIZ: Which Hard Alcohol Alternative Are You?

(04/08/15 7:49am)

In the wake of #Philibition, the Dartmouth community is slowly but surely adjusting to life without hard alcohol. While campus continues to mourn the Fireball handles of 15Ws past, Dartbeat thinks there's a lot to be said for hard alcohol's less alcohol-y siblings. Take this quiz and find out which hard alcohol alternative matches you best. Bottoms up!


Would You Rather: Dartmouth Spring Edition

(04/07/15 2:23pm)

Spring has 15Sprung in sunny Hanover, NH — meaning that there’s still a foot of snow, the Big Green more closely resembles the Big Brown and there are more people on campus then you’ve ever seen in your life. Who are you all? Are you a ’16, back from an off-term? An ’18 who’s 15Stillwondering where Silsby is? Either way, sometimes, you just have to make the hard choices (like shoving that guy out of the way in the Collis smoothie line whether he’s a ’15 or an ’18 — 15Sorrynotsorry). But the question is, what would you rather…?



How to Win Men’s Rush

(04/07/15 7:50am)

Pre-rush season is upon us once again, and you can smell the pheromones and angst from Webster Avenue to Wheelock Street. Being a girl during pre-rush is both great and confusing — you could probably stand naked in the middle of the basement during frat pre-rush and dudes would give you a cursory, confused look and then continue to flirt with one another as you stand there. While this shift in your guy friends’ behavior may be mysterious, what’s more mysterious is what happens behind those closed doors of quasi-brotherhood. What really goes on at a frat rush party? Dartbeat reports.


Dartmouth April Fool's Pranks

(04/01/15 8:05am)

April Fools' Day is upon us again, and Dartbeat has put together a few ways to finally establish yourself as an evil mastermind — the ultimate prankster. Of course, your prank depends heavily upon whom you’re pranking, so we’ve divvied up our list of ideas based on just that. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t celebrate the holiday last year or if you’re known for your pranks and are looking to kick things up a notch. Either way, we’ve got you covered. Significant Other: When it comes to your significant other, it may be best to avoid the fake breakups, pregnancy announcements and proposals. Instead, you could say that you’ve decided to get their name tattooed onto your body, and even ask for their help in deciding where it should go. Or you could bake one of their favorite desserts but replace the frosting with mayonnaise. You get the idea.


Lost Dr.Seuss Manuscripts We'd Like to Find

(03/02/15 7:26am)

As many of us know, Random House announced last week that a lost manuscript by Dr. Seuss —also known as Theodor Geisel ’25, arguably Dartmouth’s most famous alumnus — will be published in July. The manuscript, titled “What Pet Should I Get?” is a companion piece of sortsto “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish,” which features the same brother and sister. Obviously, we here @Dartbeat were excited to learn that our favorite alum (sorry, Mindy!) would be back in bookstores soon. In celebrating our enthusiasm, though, we got a little carried away, imagining possible titles and plotlines that might be waiting out there in other unfound manuscripts. Now that we’ve written them, let us know if you’d read any of the following?


Top Five: Jokes About Dartmouth

(02/26/15 6:59pm)

Here @Dartbeat, we know that our Ivy League peers like to tease Dartmouth for its northerly location and comparative isolation. That’s fair game — Cornell students need something to laugh about, after all —but it’s important that we are all aware of (and know how to respond to) the jokes that are out there. So, after scouring the darkest corners of the internet, we’ve compiled this list. Read it, and then go forth and research humor related to the rest of the Ivy League so that you can mock them more viciously than they have ever mocked us:


Twitter Profiles: Defunct Dartmouth Twitters

(02/26/15 1:10pm)

I have always believed that I have some sort of supernatural power. Growing up, I wore the same witch Halloween costume for seven years in a row. When my mom asked me why I refused to buy another costume I told her it was because my inner instincts were informing me that I had a witch godmother, and if I just stuck with it I would discover a new supernatural identity. This mostly had to do with the fact that I wanted a pet cat, and unfortunately my magical powers never came to fruition — until now, that is. Thanks to @Dartbeat, I’ve come to realize that I am, in fact, superhuman. What’s more, I can raise things from the dead. This is exactly what I’ve done this week, taking to the twittersphere to find the funniest “defunct” Dartmouth-related twitter accounts still online and bringing their best work back to life. Yes, these twitters haven’t been active for months, even years. At their height, though, they represented biting social commentary about the Dartmouth community that must be recognized. Alternatively, they were stupid enough to be funny. You be the judge:


Top Ten: "Soft" Alcohols

(02/18/15 5:45pm)

As most of our readers already know, Dartmouth students (at least those over the age of 21) have recently been hit hard by news of a hard-alcohol ban on campus, which will take effect this spring. For those who are able to stomach enough Keystone and Franzia to maintain their desired and CDC-approved level of intoxication —or for those who are under 21 and of course aren’t drinking alcohol anyway —the Moving Dartmouth Forward policy will likely not be a problem. But for those who would rather not chug copious amounts of Keystone, a beer recently ranked as the worst “currently sold on American soil,"we’ve put our research team (read: me!) to work looking for new, “soft” alcohol options that clock in below the ban’s likely 30-proof limit. So, when you’re planning a get-together in your dorm room or a prohibition-themed tails this spring, don’t forget to check back in on this list!


What Dartmouth Students Say vs. What Dartmouth Students Mean

(02/16/15 4:44pm)

Here @Dartbeat, we’ve noticed that many of our Dartmouth peers (read: you guys) often have hidden, deeper meanings behind what they say —and not always in a good way. In fact, in our time collecting overheards, we’ve come to realize that a number of the phrases you bandy about in your day-to-day interactions lack any semblance of authentic meaning and should instead be interpreted in dramatically unrelated ways. So, in order to help you communicate more effectively, we’ve decided to sit down and compile a handy-dandy lexicon: what Dartmouth students say vs. what Dartmouth students mean. If you think we’ve missed one of campus’s most popular phrases —or if you think we’ve translated any of these incorrectly —let us know by commenting or tweeting @dartbeatblog!




Should You Have Set That NRO?

(02/02/15 1:50pm)

January 20th has come and gone, and with it, so has the deadline to make use of the ever-present savior of Dartmouth students’ GPAs — the non-recording option (NRO). Here @Dartbeat, we know that it can be natural to wonder if you should or shouldn’t have taken advantage of the option, which allows students to declare the minimum grade they are willing to receive in a given class, with any grade below that higher than an E being entered into the transcript as “not recorded.” How can you tell —if you’re in this doubting camp — whether you made the right call? Well, it’s simple. Look over the following statements, see how many apply to your life, and then calculate your score.


Top 15 Yik Yaks of 15W

(01/29/15 7:11pm)

If you've been living in a hole — or maybe just holed up studying for midterms — and still haven’t heard of the popular college app Yik Yak, it’s time to get on that. After all, where else are you going to self-call about how low your GPA is, aggressively procrastinate and find out what other Dartmouth students have to say about everything from FoCo to boring lectures?


From the Archives: The Best of Dartmouth Overheards 2006-2014

(01/28/15 5:06pm)

As many of our readers already know, Dartbeat has recently taken on the hefty responsibility of compiling Dartmouth Overheards each week. So, with midterms looming far too near in our futures and the Nor’easter dipping temperatures, we’ve decided to bring some joy to campus by digging back into the archives to find some of the best Dartmouth Overheard’s The Dartmouth has published since 2006. Don’t forget to check Dartbeat each Friday for campus’s latest Overheards, and all week for exciting online content!


If Dartmouth Administrators Had Twitter

(01/26/15 12:39pm)

Here @Dartbeat, we’ve tweeted @HanlonStache enough times to realize that our esteemed President, despite having a tremendous mustache, is not in fact on twitter. So, to fill the void left by his and other administrator’s absences, we’ve imagined what the twitter profiles of President Phil Hanlon ’77, Director of GLOS Wes Schaub, Undergraduate Dean Natalie Hoyt and Provost Carolyn Dever might look like. We’ve also re-imagined the twitter of Dean of Admissions Maria Laskaris, who hasn’t used her account since 2012, when she sent a grand total of four tweets.


7 Poses You Probably Struck If You Went Outside This Week

(01/24/15 1:52pm)

Well, that was a rough week. Stepping outside felt like navigating through artic tundra, and to complete the theme, the wet slush and slippery ice had many of us walking like penguins. So, if you slipped this week and need to laugh it off, here’s a list of 7 poses you may have accidentally struck as you made your way around campus this week. If any of these happened to you, tweet us @Dartbeatblog with your story!




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