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Show Me the Money

(11/16/00 11:00am)

I'm obsessed with money. Well, not really. But for the sake of argument (and for the sake of me finally writing a column that isn't about the fate of our precious Greek system), let's say that I am. When did this happen? I wasn't always like this. I used to be a fun-loving, outgoing guy who valued cherished moments and shared experiences. I used to be able to enjoy the finer things in life without putting a price tag on everything. I used to only be joking when I'd roll down my car window and ask for Grey Poupon. Now I go to sleep with dollar signs in my eyes and my dreams disturbingly include visions of Alan Greenspan where Heidi Klum used to be. All of a sudden, I'm like Scrooge McDuck incarnate.

Breaking New Ground

(11/16/00 11:00am)

Dartmouth's Georgian architecture creates a distinct campus feeling that is one of the strongest selling features for the College. Although picture-perfect, these facilities unfortunately do not provide for all of the community's needs. We need more dorm beds, improved academic facilities and additional social space. New buildings must be built -- but expansion does not need to compromise the comfortable feel of Dartmouth College.

After the Election

(11/15/00 11:00am)

Warning: This article was to have run last Wednesday, but as many people inexplicably decided to have opinions, some of which were wretchedly incorrect, i.e., "Bush would be a great president" -- my column today will be riddled with anachronisms. True, I could correct tenses and edit but there exist circumstances beyond my control, i.e., a life-threatening condition called apathy and raspberry-flavored Stoli.

Expert Opinions

(11/15/00 11:00am)

As a result of this year's incredibly close election, the American media have focused only on Vice President Al Gore, Governor George W. Bush and the state of Florida for the past week. Unfortunately, this has resulted in the total absence of opinions asserted by people who are not "experts" working for news organizations. In fact, many notable individuals who have valuable opinions concerning the election have not had the opportunity to voice their ideas because the news stations are so determined to have their own people explain the manglement of this year's election. It is important that we Americans hear the thoughts of those shunned by the networks, and therefore I suggest the following people be interviewed so that they may share their important feelings concerning the election: