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Zebra Mascot Fills Need for Tradition, History, Racial Harmony

(11/12/96 11:00am)

In last Thursday's D, members of the Conservative Union at Dartmouth called the Indian mascot "a historical convention" whose return was necessary to "preserve the traditions of the school" [Nov. 6]. You know, the same tired old arguments we've been hearing for practically forever. ("Oh no," you're thinking, "not another boring column attacking the lack of sensitivity of the Indian mascot!" Fear not, friend, you'll enjoy reading this column.) While doing some unrelated research for my thesis, I came across a new solution to this old argument. Something which will interest everyone concerned with the search for a new mascot.

What's Written in the Stars

(11/12/96 11:00am)

The tabloids are fond of making political predictions every time a President commences a term in office. They usually dig up Jeanne Dixon or some other New Age hack to deliver a simultaneously vague and convoluted assessment of what the stars and planets portend for our political leaders. Therefore, in the grand tradition of The National Enquirer and The World Weekly News, I give you my astrologically-inclined sign-by-sign predictions for the second term of Arkansas' Favorite Womanizer, Bill Clinton.