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(05/19/00 9:00am)
Green Key: a weekend steeped in tradition. Nothing else at Dartmouth is as steeped in tradition as Green Key. Many things are steeped in tradition at Dartmouth, but try as we might, we cannot tradition-steep them even to the same order of steepitude as is steeped the fair weekend of Green Key.
(04/19/00 9:00am)
My sophomore year in high school, I was smart enough to be granted admission to the revered "honors" English class, taught by Allen L'Etoile. I'll never forget the one class where he explained what the difference is between men and women.
(04/05/00 9:00am)
Before I undertake the weighty topic of internet freedom, I want to say that the opinions and sentiments expressed in this column are not representative of my own experiences, rather the traditional portrayal of the typical male adolescent experience. I refer you to Philip Roth's book "Portnoy's Complaint" for more entertaining elaborations on this topic. So don't giggle at me.
(04/04/00 9:00am)
For those of you to whom I haven't said hello yet: yes, I had a fun break. I trust yours was fun as well. Now that we have that out of the way, no more small talk until midterms.
(02/25/00 11:00am)
In keeping with what has become an increasingly alarming trend in this column, I will now proceed to pontificate. The subject of my pontification shall be the inept and wayward campaign of one George W. Bush.
(02/17/00 11:00am)
Hello again. First a big apology for not writing in so long. It would be a massive understatement to say that things with me have been a little hectic. But excuses are for losers, so here goes.
(01/11/00 11:00am)
Yes, yes. The word is out and about. Now it's time for the armchair quarterbacks to come in and criticize everything. Here it comes, brace yourselves.
(11/15/99 11:00am)
To the Editor:
(10/22/99 9:00am)
Welcome back alums! In this turbulent period of Dartmouth's history, it is certain that you will want to get all you can of this Dartmouth before the change is made to the new Dartmouth. Every year I write a column for this issue, and every year the theme is essentially the same: set a watch, lest the old traditions fail. But because I refuse to be typecast and because I've harped on the Greek subject for far too long, I would like to talk this year about what I want my Homecoming to be like.
(10/18/99 9:00am)
The bare truth of the matter is that this problem we're having on campus is one of image. In the words of the immortal Andre Agassi, "Image is everything." Image has dictated to every single person involved with the Student Life Initiative their actions, reactions, thoughts, and ideals. Dartmouth has an image problem and so do a lot of its students.
(10/04/99 9:00am)
This past week was one of those weeks. You probably all know the kind of week I'm talking about. A week of highs and lows, unforgettable and extremely forgettable moments, boredom, exhilaration, etc. etc. Part of why I'm writing this is so that I won't forget this week later on in the future.
(09/20/99 9:00am)
What's that you say? You're a freshman?
(08/01/99 9:00am)
Welcome to Dartmouth. This column is intended to give you some advice on how best to enjoy your Dartmouth experience. Of course, before you take my word for it, I suppose I should tell you a little about myself, so you will know where I'm coming from. I'm a rising senior. I'm a member of a fraternity, the rugby team, The Dartmouth's columnist staff, and I am the treasurer of the Coed Fraternity Sorority Council. I'm a Spanish and Government double major, I work for Dartmouth Dining Services,and I spend the majority of my time interacting with people rather than studying. I have been one of the leading advocates for the preservation of the Greek system as is, and if you read my columns during the year, you will very quickly pick up on that. I'm writing this from an office in Washington DC, my hometown, and I'm currently very disillusioned with the real world that awaits me in offices such as this one once I complete my last year at Dartmouth, but I'm usually very friendly and nice. So here's my advice.
(05/28/99 9:00am)
One of the things on everybody's mind lately is tradition. Many people feel that students are powerless to maintain tradition because of the impermanent nature of a student body at a four-year college. But there are permanent fixtures at this college. People that affect us every day of our college experience and have affected others for years before us.
(05/14/99 9:00am)
I've only actually been here for one otherGreen Key; that was my freshman year. But from what I remember of those few days, I'm really excited for this year. I seem to remember excessive amounts of drinking, no accountability, and a general sense of euphoria that in fact we didn't have a damn thing in the world to worry about. Some guy on AD's lawn was giving away T-shirts if we would sign up for a credit card or something. Needless to day I signed up for seven credit cards, then made off like a bandit with all my precious shirts. I wound up drinking Jack Daniels mixed drinks in Rip Wood Smith, in what ironically became my room sophomore year. Up till then I didn't even know Rip Wood Smith existed. I'm still trying to forget. And you know what the best thing about Green Key is? Nobody has a clue about what is supposed to actually go on at Green Key.
(04/30/99 9:00am)
When Liam Kuhn first approached me about writing this column, I was delighted because I thought that the SA was really messed up and I wanted to rip on it. Little did I know that Mr. Kuhn (pronounced coon -- as in "let's go hunt some coons in our back yard and then fry them up for supper after beating our wives") was merely acting on orders from the SA and that my column was merely intended -- like Case Dorkey's on Tuesday -- to offer a semblance of opposition to what Liam and Josh clearly wanted: the defense of Student Assembly.
(04/16/99 9:00am)
First of all, everyone go to the Block party this weekend. It will be awesome.
(04/02/99 10:00am)
Now hear this: I hereby command spring term to be fun. Some of you out there may say, "Oh, well look who thinks he can tell me what to do." To that I say go to hell. We are going to have fun this term and you're either with us or against us. Here is a brief overview of why we need to have fun this term.
(02/08/99 11:00am)
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be the president. It didn't matter what I was president of, as long as I was the president. I used to tell people I was going to be President of the United States someday.
(02/05/99 11:00am)
If I could say one thing to Dean Nelson, it would be, "Hey, I like your beard." If I could say two things, the first would be regarding the beard, and the second would be, "For the love of Christ! Don't lock the doors!"