Hollisto's World
Full disclosure: This is the last Hollisto's World that I will ever write for The Dartmouth.
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Full disclosure: This is the last Hollisto's World that I will ever write for The Dartmouth.
I've been watching a lot of "Mad Men" recently, and I've started to notice a few things. First, Don Draper is an absolute boss. If you disagree, consider this: Don Draper played "Tomorrow Never Knows" by The Beatles at the end of an episode this season. This one song cost AMC $250,000 in fees for the rights. Only Don Draper can force his network to spend $250,000 for two minutes of footage and get away with it.
This week, both my NHL and NBA teams were knocked out of the playoffs. A rational person would simply have been bummed out, but I was devastated. I didn't talk to anyone for 12 hours. All I could do was sit in my room, blare dubstep until 3 a.m. and play my most violent video games until my hands started shaking. I couldn't load ESPN.com without swearing violently at my computer. I was in a dark place.
Similar to last season's spring game, there were not enough healthy players to completely field two separate squads. There were only three healthy cornerbacks and even fewer healthy nickelbacks, and only three running backs were healthy enough to carry the football. As a result, the Green team consisted of defensive players while the White team was made up entirely of offensive personnel.
If I asked a room full of people to share solely positive opinions about college football's Bowl Championship Series, I wouldn't hear anything but chirping crickets and muffled swears. When you compare the BCS to other NCAA events, such as the Final Four or the College World Series, you realize how much the highest grossing collegiate sport would benefit if we implemented a simple playoff system.
For Schwieger, playing in the NFL has been a lifelong dream.
A couple weeks ago I discovered a new passion. Surprisingly, Hanover decided to give us one good week of weather, so I spent an entire Saturday afternoon enjoying the gorgeous sunshine. I was expecting a calm and relaxing day because the entire campus seemed entranced by the idyllic weather.
Memes seem to be the new rage in the tiny, insular bubble we call Dartmouth College. Although I have not personally added my own creation to this newfound stream of social criticism, an old buddy of mine who goes to Princeton (don't judge his character by his institution, he's one of the few gems who just happens to live in the douchebag capital of the world) turned my excited face into a meme about things I cannot mention in this publication.
When the NBA lockout threatened to destroy the entire 2012 season of one of my favorite sports, I nearly lost it. The odds of losing the season grew faster than Barry Bond's head during the BALCO era, and I started slipping into chronic depression. If the Player's Association and the owners didn't come to an agreement, I would have flipped out worse than Gollum in "The Lord of the Rings."
Now that the winter is finally behind us, we can finally enjoy all that Dartmouth has to offer. It's still a little nippy outside, but I'm sure the good weather will come barreling in faster than a Harvard grad chasing an insider trading opportunity. In the spirit of the season, I've decided to publish my termly to-do list a few weeks early.
When examining professional sports as a business instead of a game, you start to realize what's timeless and what's temporary. Players and coaches are temporary everyone retires eventually. Stadiums crumble no building lasts forever. Teams can change, and your team can even abandon you (sorry Seattle). The only factor that has remained constant throughout the history of modern professional sports is that all teams have a wealthy owner or a wealthy group of owners that can do whatever the hell they want.
Hanover is a strange place. Our town doesn't have any fast food restaurants, but most of our delivery restaurants (and anything fried from EBAs) are just as unhealthy. We don't have any parking spaces, but we have more parking cops then all of greater Boston.
Throughout my Dartmouth career, I've always been defined as a football player. My major has changed, I joined a frat and I've been a member of a couple campus groups. The only constant over my four years here (besides my inability to grow a full beard) is my status as a varsity athlete.
On Thursday, Major League Baseball arbitrator Shyam Das overturned National League MVP Ryan Braun's 50-game suspension for testing positive for elevated levels of testosterone. Naturally, Braun is ecstatic about the verdict he gets to keep his MVP award and will play a complete season. On the other hand, the MLB is furious. This is the first time that any player has successfully beat an MLB-imposed sanction and could mark the beginning of a new era of baseball politics. The MLB is trying to set harsher punishments for substance abuse in order to eliminate the problem from the league, and Braun's appeal shows that the league has less power than it anticipated.
Metta World Peace might be the most entertaining character in professional sports. This isn't the first time I've written about the athlete formerly known as Ron Artest, and it sure as hell won't be my last. Metta is the perfect combination of crazy and funny. Watching Metta on a daily basis is like watching Wile E. Coyote walk on a tightrope over a dynamite-filled chasm while holding an extremely sensitive tank of nitroglycerin. You know a disaster is imminent because something has to explode, but you're laughing the entire time because the buildup to the calamity is captivating and wildly entertaining.
For the first time in my life, I actually want it to snow. I want a freak cold front to take the Upper Valley by storm and dump at least six inches of snow in the next six hours. Normally my Floridian bones can't take the cold. I'm the first person to complain if I have to salt and shovel a driveway, but I don't care if my desired nor'easter shuts down roads or makes walking around campus more difficult than my last Econ 20 exam. I just want it to snow I want this Winter Carnival to be a winter wonderland.
By CHAD HOLLISThe Dartmouth Staff
By Chad HollisThe Dartmouth Staff
Tim Tebow is the most polarizing figure in sports since Barry Bonds, Tiger Woods and Hulk Hogan. You either love or hate the man, but it's rare to find someone who's never heard his name. Surprisingly, even people who don't even like football have some sort of opinion about Tebow. He's one of the few athletes who has developed a fan (and enemy) base with no logical territorial boundaries. Though he played college football for the University of Florida Gators and currently plays in the NFL for the Denver Broncos, millions from around the nation are glued to the TV whenever he takes the field.
One week ago, The Dartmouth Editorial Board published a column about Dartmouth's recruited athletes ("Verbum Ultimum: Reassessing Recruitment," Jan. 6). In the piece, the Editorial Board stated that the current admissions policy regarding student-athletes results in "an academically weaker student body." Additionally, the Editorial Board claimed that the college's current "lack of athletic success" further proves that the Admissions Office should focus on recruiting athletes of a higher academic quality.