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(11/01/02 11:00am)
Fall has arrived, and as Martha Stewart would say, "it's a good thing." The signs of the season are all around us: the leaves are changing color, the '06 girls are realizing that half the campus already owns that J-Crew sweater-jacket they were so proud of buying, and humor columnists are adding strained Martha Stewart references to their pieces.
(05/15/02 9:00am)
Last term I wrote an article titled "A Traditional Winter," in which, as a service to the freshman class, I highlighted some of the more important Dartmouth winter traditions. And though no one told me that they appreciated the article, my sources say that it was well received (by "my sources," I of course mean "my imagination"). Now that we find ourselves thoroughly digested in the intestinal tract of spring, I think we can agree it is an appropriate time for me to talk about Dartmouth spring traditions and to stop using bodily-function metaphors.
(05/01/02 9:00am)
I guess it's unavoidable, for most sophomores it's time to start thinking about internships. Many of us have off-terms coming up next year, which means we should begin our hunt for the perfect "professional growth experience" as soon as possible.
(04/17/02 9:00am)
Spring is finally upon us, and we can now enjoy long, sunny days, afternoons spent lounging on the Green, good-natured games of touch football and, of course, severe nausea. That's right, this campus has been hit by "Spring Fever," and I'm not talking about prancing merrily through meadows. I mean the type of fever brought on by an insidious gut-wrenching stomach virus.
(03/06/02 11:00am)
I recognize that my columns typically have approximately the social significance of a Hanson album, but as my last contribution to The Dartmouth for this term, I wanted to touch on a more serious topic: "Our Generation's Sense of Humor," [cue the John Williams-style inspirational music].
(02/20/02 11:00am)
Security in this nation has never been tighter. Boarding an airplane requires passing through several armed checkpoints, military fighter jets circle over our major cities, and for their safety, the producers of the just-released Britney Spears movie "Crossroads" have been whisked away to an undisclosed location. But to me, the most notable increased security measure is the poster in the Alumni Gym declaring: "All Patrons Now Must Show an ID To Enter. No Exceptions."
(02/07/02 11:00am)
I am almost definite that the North Fayerweather dormitory is haunted. Don't be alarmed, I understand that we live a sheltered life here at Dartmouth and that for most of us our idea of a crisis is forgetting to put in hair gel before going to the gym. But we need to now accept the idea that we could be facing a major paranormal infestation problem.
(01/28/02 11:00am)
There has been a lot of activity here at Dartmouth the last couple of weeks, most notably of course being the Greek system's rush process. It would have been difficult not to have noticed this going on because there were signs of potential pledges everywhere you looked. For instance, on the second night of rush I walked into Thayer to get a sandwich and I must have seen at least 30 guys in their formal wear which surprised me because I didn't even know you could rush Food Court. But apparently you can. So let me go on the record right now and officially say that I hope Food Court has an excellent pledge class this year. Why am I so quick to hand the good members of Food Court my blessing? Because I hear that Food Court has a student-employee shortage this year. Not that I'm one to complain more than several times a day, but I believe this employee shortage might be responsible for a lot of recent dining-related difficulties. I think you can all agree that eating meals this term has been more problematic than ever:
(01/15/02 11:00am)
Come on everyone! Join me in the singing of our beloved alma mater:
(01/07/02 11:00am)
My fellow '04s, sophomore winter is finally here. It is now time to prepare to make the most important decision of our academic careers: do we face the cold to get an omelet for breakfast, or settle for a handful of stale Cheese-Its instead? Okay Okay that's not what I meant to say (I am just ever so tired of Cheese-Its). What I really meant to mention of course was "choosing a major" that's right, it is finally time to start thinking about choosing a major (and maybe get an omelet or two while we're at it). Don't worry though, for I have put together this consistently spaced and often grammatically correct column to assist you in this arduous task.
(11/01/01 11:00am)
Remember when it was cool to high five? (Correct Answer: yes) I would say that the high five really hit its peak right around the time I was in the third grade. Boy, did we take our aerial hand slaps seriously. "I regret that I have but one life in which to high five" was our motto well not really but if we had thought of that then I bet we would have used it! I mean, every circumstance seemed appropriate for the 'ole five up high:
(10/23/01 9:00am)
After extensive research (consisting of the reading of several Newsweek articles) I think I can now safely consider myself an expert on our war against Terrorism. I know that right now you are probably saying to yourself: "la-di-dah Captain Expert, if you are so smart why don't you tell us what we should do about this war!" (and perhaps even smirking at your clever use of the word "Captain") Well, thank you for asking, because that is exactly what I am going to do! Sure, I may not know a lot about "military strategy" or "American international politics" or even "where Afghanistan is on a map," but I do know how to type! So without further ado, I am pleased to present my practical solutions for these complex times: