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In "Men in Black 3," a character named Griffin sees all possible realities simultaneously. Yes, I just referenced "Men in Black 3." 13S, don't care. I believe the way Griffin experiences life is a pretty good way to think about how all of us experience college.
This will be my final article for The D's sports section and with it, I must arrive at the sad but necessary realization that my time in Hanover is almost at an end. I could write some 800-word retrospective on my "Dartmouth experience" but since you'll probably hear or read something like that a million times over the next three weeks, especially if you're a '13, I'll spare you this time.
A month ago, I talked about sports goats and how they generally get a bad rap. This week, I'm going to be talking about a different kind of goat: the GOAT. If you're unfamiliar with the acronym, GOAT stands for the Greatest of All Time, and for those who love talking about sports, it represents the Holy Grail of sports arguments.
Being the fan of a sports team involves a lot of love. You love your team, in good times and bad, and you probably love several of the players too. If your team is winning, you love the coach. And you love your fellow fan, especially when your team hits that walk-off home run and you need somebody to hug.
The NHL playoffs start this week, which means I get to continue one of my favorite spring traditions: jumping on the Boston Bruins bandwagon. I have watched about two and a half NHL games this season and one of those didn't involve the Bruins, so to call myself a die-hard would be disingenuous. Nevertheless, I plan to watch as many Bruins postseason games as possible. Jonathan, meet bandwagon.
April 20 is famous, or infamous, for a number of things. In 1889, Klara Polzl gave birth to Adolf Hitler in Branau am Inn, Austria. In 1916, the Chicago Cubs played their first National League game at Weeghman Park, now known Wrigley Field, and 97 years later, they still have not won a world series. And every year, April 20 is celebrated as an unofficial international holiday by the cannabis culture, which I do not consider myself a part of.
Yesterday marked the conclusion of the 77th Masters Tournament, and if you are reading this column, you are no doubt aware that the Masters is one of the crown jewels of the American sporting year. CBS, which broadcasts the tournament annually, likes to remind viewers that the golf tournament is "a tradition unlike any other" and while this is partially true, in many ways the Masters is quite similar to a variety of sporting events around the world.
Perhaps no word better encapsulates the highs and lows of sports than goat. The word actually has more meanings than you would think not only is a goat a four-legged mammal, but it's also a disgusting move used by the staff of Shenaniganz to prank each other in "Waiting" But neither of these apply to sports.
I have a confession to make. I do not really like sports. Pushed too hard by a sports-obsessed father, I adopted his favorite games as my own while knowing deep down that I was living a lie. I know that a sports column is an odd place for an announcement like this, but I feel that this is the best way for me to reach as many people as possible.
For every person who reaches their goal in sports, there are from 10 to 100 times as many who don't. I am going to look past childhood dreams of winning the Super Bowl or going to the Olympics because, while those pay off for a select few, they are little more than a pipe dream. They might come true once in a blue moon, but since only 53 people win the Super Bowl every year, the probability that you grow up to be one of them is astronomically low.
How many times have you heard an announcer say something like this: "He may be small, but he plays with a lot of heart" or "People told him he was too small to play in the big leagues, but he is out here proving them wrong."
Jerry Seinfeld once famously said that, as sports fans, we are rooting for laundry. And as much as I have tried to rationalize the reasons why I support the teams that I do, fundamentally, Seinfeld is right. I root for the name on the front of the jersey.
As I hope you've figured out by this point, life isn't fair. So it shouldn't surprise you that sports aren't fair, either.
As you are now likely aware, the Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl last Sunday. Obviously, the game had a great effect on many people: Baltimore's legions of fans; Colin Kaepernick, who placed the final nail in Alex Smith's coffin; and Ray Lewis, who goes out as a champion after 17 seasons.
I don't want this to come off as a Lance Armstrong column or a Manti Te'o column. I will admit, I probably would not be writing it if they had not been in the news last month, and I've thought to myself on multiple occasions, "No one wants to hear my take on this mess, especially not three weeks after the fact."
One week ago, the University of Alabama beat Notre Dame, 42-14, to win its third BCS National Championship in four years. Perhaps "beat" is too soft of a word. The Crimson Tide (13-1, 7-1 SEC) destroyed the Irish to the point where more fans spent the second half googling Alabama quarterback AJ McCarron's girlfriend than actually watching the game.
I like sports.
Due to a pair of upsets in other League games, Dartmouth (5-5, 4-3 Ivy) finished the season in a four-way tie for second place in the conference.
The Dartmouth football team clinched its first winning Ivy League record since 2003 on Saturday, defeating Princeton University, 24-17, on senior day at Memorial Field. Co-captain Nick Schwieger '12 rushed for 157 yards and became the first Big Green running back to rush for over 3,000 yards in his career.
"This is the biggest win of my career," co-captain Nick Schwieger '12, who rushed for 137 yards on a career-high 37 carries, said. "It's a great win for the program. To go on the road and beat an Ivy League contender speaks volumes about this program right now. We'd never beat those guys in my career, so it was really great."