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don’t use Twitter anymore, there’s a good reason to start again. The Dartmouth
Parents Twitter account (
itself as “the insider’s guide on things to do at Dartmouth and in the Upper
Valley.” That word “insider” should stick out to you right away. You know what
it’s like for your parents to think they’re “in with it,” only for them to
actually be completely misguided about the younger generation. Let’s take a closer
look at some of these Tweets and see just where Dartmouth parents go wrong.
“Mr. Brightside” is unquestionably the best song to shout-sing in fraternity basements, the Russell Sage rage cage (#rip) or pretty much anywhere else. Dartbeat decided to see what happened if we combined Dartmouth’s favorite 2004 chart-topper with Dartmouth’s favorite pastime. Pop Punk 16F, here we come.
It’s easy to spot an athlete. You can identify them around campus with fresh Nikes and monogrammed backpacks, and you can check the online roster to learn their life story. But, don’t you wish there was an easier way to spot a nondescript NON-athlete? Ever wonder what else they do aside from speed-walk on the treadmills in the NARP gym? Meet some of the newest NARPs for the 2016-2017 season:
I will fully admit to the fact that I am a huge fan of pop culture trends, and I accept the fact that I am 19 going on 12. I will also admit that I cannot dance to save my life. But, there are five dance moves that I employ on a day-to-day basis: the whip, the Nae Nae, the one where you flip your hands quickly but I don’t know what it is called, charging it up and, most importantly, the dab.
Distributive requirements might be the bane of my existence. I narrowly made it out of my QDS alive. But for some reason, Dartmouth has deemed it necessary to establish some standards for what a well-rounded student might look like when they graduate. In theory, that’s great, but there are so many cool classes to take here that wasting one in order to fulfill a boring distrib can be pretty painful. So I have some alternative suggestions. In this crazy plan of mine, there would be no more academic requirements to graduate. Instead, students could take whatever classes they want but would be required to have some basic Dartmouth knowledge before commencement.
People used to ask me why I came to Dartmouth. I was always too nervous to tell them the truth, so I lied. I said everything but the one, the big — the biggest — reason. You see, Dartmouth has the biggest flower in the world. Let me say that again, of the God knows how many flowers in the world, Dartmouth. Has. The. Biggest. One. Its name is Morphy, and it is a corpse flower, scientific name , “giant”). In case you missed that, its scientific name literally means “giant misshapen phallus.” You can’t make this stuff up.
Miss out on the poster sale in FoCo last week? Were you at the career fair instead? Well besides needing to get your priorities straight, you’ve got a bigger issue. You are just starting to notice how bare the walls of your room are as you look up from your computer at 8:50pm Sunday night and wonder why the recruiting deadline couldn’t be midnight instead of nine. But that’s beside the point.
’20: “This is perfect sandals and socks weather.”
Are you excited to devote hours and hours of your day to rush week? Are you an eager ’20 who just cannot wait until next fall when you, too, can ~rush~? No worries, my friends. Why limit yourself to only one form of Dartmouth’s favorite fall activity when you can try eleven (!!!) new alternative forms of rush?!?
“OH MY GOSH! I luuuuuv your shoes! Becky — get over here! Don’t you just luuuuuv her shoes?”
It’s that time of year again… womens’ rush. Over the next week women will be running all over campus making small talk, smiling until their mouths hurt and collecting names in booklets like they’re Pokémon. Yet, men’s rush lasts two days and seems to mostly involve playing pong and shaking hands. So, what exactly do guys think happens at womens’ rush events?
Baker tower is hands down the most recognizable symbol on campus. As a freshman, Googling pictures of Dartmouth yielded Baker tower, smiling white people and Sperry’s with socks. On the first day of freshman year I anticipated its familiar façade, but alas, it was covered in a giant and probably unnecessarilyexpensive tarp with its picture on it.
Week two is upon us, and you’re already so done with school. You wish you could go back to the simpler time of DOC First Year Trips, a time when it was socially acceptable to eat multiple blocks of Cabot cheese and not shower for five consecutive days. If you relate to this nostalgia on a spiritual level, Dartbeat has just what you need: your guide to reliving Trips on campus.Sunrike all six floors of the stacks
Rejection. Trying new things in college is easy…as long as you make the callback
’20: points to FFB, “That floor is too quiet for me.”
Maya Poddar ’17:Who are all these kids
Wait, when do classes begin?
I feel old as hell
Well, I’m finally a Dartmouth senior, and my younger brother is finally a freshman (at Princeton though, ew). Talking to him made me realize just how much a person can change during their first three years of college. Leading up to his first day, he claimed that he would never drink coffee. I naively said the same when I entered my freshman year—but then I discovered KAF. Here’s my take on just how different freshmen and seniors really are.