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Whether you like it or not, the GroupMe messaging app is an integral part of the Dartmouth experience. It somehow has all your contacts and lets you get in touch with almost everyone on campus, so naturally it’s a go-to for the groups that don’t necessarily need your digits. The number of chats you’re in is directly proportional to your social capital, since with more involvement comes more GroupMes. And while everyone’s experience with GroupMe is unique, there are common themes that unite all typical Dartmouth students. Here are a few examples of the types of GroupMes that you’ve been a part of during your years here:
Everyone has their preferred study spots in the library, some more productive than others. However, Dartmouth students are often quick to label First Floor Berry as the most facetimey (and least productive) place in the library. However, this is not necessarily true! FFB is actually a very diverse ecosystem filled with a variation of facetimey-ness and productivity, ranging from the physics majors who scribble indiscernible thoughts on the walls of the group study rooms to the kids who “study” right outside of KAF, waving to every single person who passes by. For your convenience, we have taken the responsibility upon ourselves to educate the masses by mapping the real dynamics of FFB and beyond in “Dartbeat’s Declassified School Survival Guide.”
Recently inspired by Donald Trump’s use of ~alternative facts~, Dartbeat has compiled a list of alternative facts at Dartmouth. These are totally true, not at all false and completely factual statements about our magical life in warm, sunny Hanover. #fact
Is there something you can’t find at Dartmouth that you wish you could have? Ever thought about taking BorrowDirect for a spin to fulfill some of the many voids in your life?
There is no question that we live in a modern world of lies and deception. Thus, I do not see it as a coincidence that my editors — those powers that be, per se, spewing “alternative facts” upon the good people — have asked me to write an article about “Dartmouth conspiracy theories.” Nay, I say. I will be strong. I shall not fall victim to their whims. And in protest, I will write instead a list of the greatest truths at Dartmouth, indisputable by those who are not blinded by the corruption that plagues this very campus.
Planning where you want to grab your next meal can often be an ordeal, especially when you start estimating the concentration of people at certain times during the day. Add to the fact that, yes, you are actually trying to follow through with your lunch plans, and the chaotic lines can make you want to back out of your meal date and crawl into your bed with a tender bob. Luckily, DDS offers endless a few good selections, and each place has its own specialties that keep us coming back for more, whether it’s mac ‘n cheese bites, facetimey-ness or conveniently late hours. It’s easy to decide when you’re with friends, but what if your relationship is a little more ambiguous? Here’s a brief overview of your options to navigate those romantic nuances and finally get to the bottom of what a Foco lunch ~really~ means:
There you are. After nine (maybe?) months of apprehension, excitement and nerves, you are finally about to play your first game of pong. You feel adrenaline pumping through your veins with all the strength of watered-down Keystone, which you also happen to be standing in puddles of — gotta break in those frat shoes, am I right? As the moment finally arrives and the final cup in the game before yours is sunk, you’re suddenly nervous. What do you do? What should you expect? Luckily for you, we’ve compiled advice from some of the greatest pong champions this side of the Mississippi (and some from the other side too).
Are you struggling to figure out what to order and holding up the KAF line that is already out the door and curling into Blobby? Here are some sure-fire orders for every and any given situation.
'20: "I'm pissed about the napkins so last night I stole a dispenser from Collis when I was drunk."
Every Dartmouth student is probably already familiar with the “warm cut” – a path to class or your dorm that, if not more efficient, provides brief respite from the frigid Hanover weather. Whether it’s through Baker-Berry on the way to drill or a quick detour into Collis while you’re headed toward the Hop, warm cuts are an important way to keep up morale during the dark months of winter term.
Snow sliding off rooftops: It's a miracle that we've lived to see another day.
With Inauguration Day having come and gone, people all over the
country organized and participated in marches to protest the election of Donald Trump. The largest and most publicized was by far the Women’s March on Washington, with more people having attended than the inauguration
in D.C. - not including the satellite marches all over the world. This got me thinking. If citizens
can march for what they believe in, why can’t we? There are a few things that
Dartmouth students are pretty unhappy with, so here are a few issues you could
take to the streets.
Ahhh, good ol’ Dartmouth, where our very obvious hookup
culture can invade nearly any aspect of our lives. Whether you’re in FoCo and a
past hookup (or three) is filling his or her drink next to you, being assigned
to a group project with a recent dfmo (dance floor make-out) or stepping out of
office hours and seeing that person who ghosted you after you failed to DTR
(define the relationship), it’s easy to be a bit uncomfortable and on-edge all
the times. But what about when a hookup falls into a “cest” category? We’ve all
heard about the classic example of “floor-cest” and how much of a disaster that
could be – why not delve into the potential results and see if your hookup was really
worth the “-cest?”
The day we’ve all been dreading has been thrust upon us: January 20, the day when President-elect Donald Trump swears into office as the leader of the free world, but more importantly, the day when we have to stop posting Obama-Biden memes. The cultural impact of these memes cannot be understated — they might be even more important than the entire body of work of frog memes at large.
As you can probably attest to, New England winters can be
tough – even for those students who grew up in and around the Northeast. However,
sometimes we fail to consider what the cold and snowy winter means for Dartmouth
students from the South, who spent years and years getting days off for less
than an inch or two of snow. In fact, your very own southern friend just might
be finding it extremely hard to cope with the pain and suffering that 17W has brought,
despite the lack of actual cold and prodigal amounts of snow. But don’t fret,
my friends, for there are ways in which you can ease their winter woes and help
them adjust to the concept of a real winter season.
Winter can be a tough time for everyone – it’s questionably too cold to go out (but everyone does it anyways), definitely too cold to be productive and just cold enough that the ice sticks around and makes all of campus a hazard for treacherous falls. But don’t fret – there are so many ways to put your winter woes behind you and learn to truly ~thrive~ and not just survive 17W!
Breaking: Dartmouth students angry because the making of that thing they didn’t want to participate in is being taken away from them! This past Friday we all opened our blitz to some expected earth-shattering news: The Winter Carnival snow sculpture has been cancelled due to, among other reasons, “declining involvement from the student body at large.” (Ooh, drag me, Winter Carnival committee.) This ultimately resulted in some strongly worded grumbles like “what will we Instagram Week Six?” and “Lest the old traditions fail, etc., etc.”
For better or for worse, DDS is finally getting with the times with its new texting feature. As the (masked) face of DDS and liaison between students and their tender quesos, we often forget that the text responses are coming from a real person (or people) with thoughts, feelings, fears and aspirations of their own. These noble first responders have to bear the brunt of any feedback, constructive or otherwise. Here’s what’s going on behind the cheeky one-liners and smiley faces.
There are a lot of things to love about Dartmouth: Winter Carnival, chicken bobs from the HOP, and FFB, to name a few, but not much can compare to everyone’s favorite GPA-saver. That’s right, it’s your favorite day of the term — the deadline to NRO a class! What could be more exciting than the opportunity to avoid all consequences for your mistakes? In the spirit of today, I figured I’d share some tips on how to apply NROs to areas outside of your transcript … because we all know that a “C” isn’t the only thing you’d like to pretend never happened.
Most rules exist for a reason, but there are the golden few that make absolutely no sense. Many frats adhere to strict policies that students don’t understand, and Phi Delt’s mission to only broadcast music that’s more than 20 years old is no exception. It’s assumed that past brothers of Phi Delt don’t exactly want to hear “Beez in the Trap” when they come back to campus on a nostalgic wave, thus alums have enforced this rigid code. Since I live in the Choates, listening to whatever they choose to play outside during the warmer months is something that I am subjected to against my will. Don’t get me wrong, “You Make My Dreams” is a huge bop and anyone who doesn’t have an internal dance party is lying to you.