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Dartbeat decided to see what happened if we combined Dartmouth’s favorite 2004 chart-topper with Dartmouth’s favorite pastime. Pop Punk 16F, here we come.
Heat. You know it’s hot when the sun is out but the Collis patio is deserted. “Voices.” With their faces staring at us as we sit on any campus toilet, we’re bound to remember the time and date of the upcoming performance. Formal date searching. Even more stressful than upcoming finals. “Wait how is it week 8 already?” Nobody knows, but you’d better hurry up with that bucket list. Gov 10 surveys. Has anyone actually ever won a KAF gift card from those supposed raffles for participants?
’18 #1 in Astro: “You look like you’re about to boot.”’18 #2: “Yeah but I took a Sudafed.” DDS worker #1: “Why don’t you change your name to Samuel, I’ll change mine to Jackson, and then we’ll be Samuel Jackson!”DDS worker #2: “You should change yours to Jack-Off, then at least it’ll be accurate.” ’18: “Why would you work on a Sunday night when you could provide the rugby team with Facetime?” ’18: “My mom went to Harvard, so, you know…” ’18: “I’m obviously not twenty-one, but I’m also obviously not a cop.” ’16: “I’m not the hip one.”’18: “BUT YOU HAVE A NOSE RING!” ’18: “I like mine wonky.”
As a ’17 on for this summer term, I’m affectionately referred to as my sorority’s resident SWUG (senior washed up girl). When (and if) I arrive at tails, people look at me with a mixture of excitement and pity.
Masters. The big weekend has finally arrived… Masters brackets. Immediately after being released, they were scrutinized, memorized and discussed to no end. Masters gossip. “His serve isn’t that good… Yeah, but that team saves everything… OMG wait she's a lefty?!” Masters.In case you didn't get the message.
’18: “They have adult milkshakes and nice Jewish boys. My two favorite things!!!” ’18 #1: "When I was little I got in trouble because I took all my younger cousins into the computer room and googled ‘poop.’”’18 #2: “I googled ‘naked.’ Just ‘naked.’” A dad at the SHEBAlite show: “Is this interpretive dance?” Astro TA: “The haze is coming in.”’18: “Is that interstellar dust?”TA: “No, it’s like… Clouds.” ’18: “Free the nipple.
Like the millennials we are, we often turn to Google instead of people in times of need. Our Google search history can always be a little disconcerting, but it’s particularly distinctive over sophomore summer – when else will we be looking up the toxicity of copper mines or wondering how to make homemade mac and cheese bites?
Hell-L-CGrab your pitchforks and come on down to our warm and exotic location, situated at the mouth of the River Styx, and work for the head honcho himself—Satan!
Semi season is upon us, which means it’s time to break out the flair.
’18: “Getting the money from suing someone would be nice, but there would just be too much paperwork for it to really be worth it.” ’18 overheard on FFB: “Hi, I’m [name], this is [name] and we have the lowest grades in the class.
Crossing the X: Last night you were a hero, today you are a zero. Swugdom is only a state of mind. Semi: When you dress up as a librarian-barbarian-Olympian on vacation so you can go to four semis in a single night.
1.1.
Amidst pulling all-nighters studying for exams, working multiple jobs to pay for college and giving up our childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut or professional athlete to major in Econ, it’s easy for us to forget what it’s all for.
So you’re taking two classes this term. That’s okay: $23,158 doesn’t need to buy you three classes, does it?
Realizing suddenly that the American electoral system was broken beyond repair, representatives of many branches of government, all fifty states and both major parties elected to utilize a different system for electing the 45th president of the United States of America.
At the start of every term, naïvely optimistic Dartmouth students throwimpressive but far-fetched ideas onto a rough “to-do list” with their friends, saying to themselves, “This time, we’ll complete the list.” But let’s be honest, does that ever actually happen?
