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It’s Green Key Friday, which means that approximately zero people will be in class. But if you’re for some reason super dedicated to your perfect attendance record, never fear: What many Dartmouth students don’t realize is that empty classrooms present valuable and unique opportunities for personal growth and discovery. Here are some ways to take advantage of your empty 11/12/2 this Green Key Friday.
Ah, Green Key. The one week a year every Dartmouth student — wait, did you just say WEEK? That is an example of one of the many questions freshman will be asking well … now. I for one thought this was just a two-day endeavor, but like most events on campus, why just stick to simplicity when you can pregame the pregame to the pregame three days before the pregame’s pregame? I have compiled a full-on itinerary for Green Key based on upperclassmen recommendations and realistic first-year expectations, along with a few tips to make sure you survive (key word here is survive, not thrive) the biggest event of the year. If you have no idea what to do with yourself between now and Sage the Gemini’s Grammy award-winning performance, fear not, just pull up your Google calendar and get ready to rage.
There are a lot of things to love about Dartmouth: Winter Carnival, chicken bobs from the HOP, and FFB, to name a few, but not much can compare to everyone’s favorite GPA-saver. That’s right, it’s your favorite day of the term — the deadline to NRO a class! What could be more exciting than the opportunity to avoid all consequences for your mistakes? In the spirit of today, I figured I’d share some tips on how to apply NROs to areas outside of your transcript … because we all know that a “C” isn’t the only thing you’d like to pretend never happened.
Can I just replace this week’s column with former Rep. Todd Akin’s speech following his 2012 loss for some position I don’t remember? So much weirder and more entertaining than I’ll ever be.
A sixth grader told me Thursday morning, “You should be someone from the ’80s because of your hair.”
You are probably asking yourself, “What does Marian think the federal government should do to prevent Ebola from spreading through the U.S. population?”
Did you ever play the ’90s computer game “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?” I really loved it. As we speak, the world — myself included — is dying to know the whereabouts of North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un.
I could probably write this yearlong column exclusively about Robin Thicke’s personal and deep-seated emotional problems. But I won’t do that to you, Phil. For this week, at least, I’d like to focus on Thicke’s deposition testimony from April, which was just recently made public.
As graduation looms closer, I need as much guidance as possible. Forget academic advisors and CDP — I’ve recently discovered that the sage wisdom provided through astrology is the way to go. Here’s what the New York Post’s “Postrology” section had to say to me and all the other Cancers out there: “The choices you make over the next few days will have a major impact on your social or professional reputation, so make them wisely. Above all don’t let other people rush you into cutting corners or cutting back on essentials. Do it right.”
Why am I writing this column? I have no clue. It’s my senior year, and I feel like I’m still a freshman. Correction: my knowledge of many Dartmouth traditions — i.e. the lyrics to our alma mater — is minimal despite my best efforts to inundate myself in our “campus culture” (i.e. Bean boots). Until I saw the giant sign, I thought the Triangle House was KD’s new physical plant.