Disgraceful: Last Chances (to write a listicle)

By Grace Miller | 6/3/17 4:45pm

It’s been a wild ride with Dartbeat these past 4 years, watching it evolve slowly but surely. I have forced people to tell me their secrets, and admitted things over the internet that I maybe shouldn’t have. But here we are, week 10, and it’s time for my final article. And, since it’s Dartbeat, it only feels right to write it in list form.

Things that have made me sad

  • Computer science
  • Losing touch with friends over off terms
  • Coming back to campus and feeling adrift
  • The entire notion of social capital
  • People feeling superior to others
  • The pain the Greek system causes
  • Rainy days
  • The sun setting at 3:30 in the winter
  • Being the 7th wheel to some particularly happy couples
  • Geeling alone in a group of people
  • Breaking my foot
  • The glazed over look a frat dog has on a Friday night
  • Knowing that I have to leave

Things that have made me happy

  • Computer science
  • All 7 of my housemates meeting every Sunday for a home cooked meal
  • Playing in Masters
  • Jumping into the river on a hot summer day
  • Summiting Moosilauke
  • Summiting Moosilauke again, and again
  • Being able to direct someone along the backroads of New Hampshire from memory
  • Accidentally raiding Bowdoin trips on Franconia Ridge while on Vox Croo
  • Driving the dirt roads in the Grant
  • Bathing in streams
  • Sharing fresh baked bread with friends
  • Playing “guess that song” with SnS officers during safe rides when I broke my foot
  • Skipping class to go skiing
  • Waitresses at diners calling me “hun”
  • Perfecting the chocolate chip cookie recipe

Things that help when I’m feeling particularly lonely:

  • Keeping a list of moments I’m happy to be alive, and reading it
  • Calling my Grandma
  • Taking a walk around Occom
  • Reaching out to friends
  • Sitting on the Green and letting the sun warm my face

Thing I’ve learned

  • Always back up your files
  • Never trust the weather
  • If you go to the Novack bathrooms sometimes you get to witness people pouring Novack soup down the toilet
  • How to pick up a pong ball without looking like an idiot
  • If you do a kick save, we probably won’t be friends
  • The stacks bathroom is on the 4th floor
  • How to bake bread
  • Every town in New Hampshire is named after a famous city pronounced incorrectly
  • The truth behind the “Dartmouth duck,” totally calm on top, frantically paddling under the surface
  • The library isn’t open before your 7:45 drill, don’t even try
  • Silsby, Collis, Thayer and Robo will always have free tampons
  • No matter the symptoms, Dick’s House will think that you’re pregnant 90% of the time
  • Usually the best nights are the ones you don’t plan
  • No one ever minds you being friendly and reaching out
  • Eating alone is not embarrassing, in fact it’s the best
  • Always check if window #2 is open
  • It’s okay to not be okay

Things I haven’t learned

  • How to do my taxes
  • What time KAF actually closes
  • If I want something at Umpleby’s, they’re probably going to be out of it
  • What all the construction on Mass Row ever was for
  • If “line is 1” means I’m next or second to next
  • Whippi Dip only takes cash
  • If I order a pizza at 2 a.m., I probably won’t want it when it arrives
  • How to open a shotgun with my ID
  • How to spin serve
  • Why people here like to streak so many things
  • What Machine Learning is
  • Where “Brace Commons” is

Things that ‘20s will never know:

  • #poopinthesoup
  • Chicken baby
  • The rage cage
  • AD dance parties
  • Chicken baby
  • Red social cups
  • “Dartmouth has a problem”
  • The fear that KAF might be closing next term
  • The 2-year continuous construction of the Foco entrance
  • bored@baker
  • Everyone walking around in their pledge outfits
  • Begging the greenprint gods to please print just this once
  • Shot fairies everywhere
  • Being called out on Yikyak

Things I wish I had done earlier

  • Gotten dinner at the Lodge
  • Sent a flitz
  • Spent time down by the river
  • Gone to trivia
  • Read the news every day
  • Understood that no one would be mad if I went to their club meeting
  • Tried to educate myself on social issues on campus
  • Made stirfry with my own veggies
  • Checked-in

Buildings I’ve peed on on campus:

  • A lady never tells

Places I’ve cried on campus

  • Russell Sage
  • Topliff
  • My off-campus house
  • The Periodicals
  • Blobby
  • Novack bathroom
  • Walking across the Green

Places I’ve laughed on campus:

  • Everywhere

With that, I guess all I have to say is: don’t cry because it’s over, cry because you’re overtired and just watched a really touching ad that had a puppy in it.


Grace Miller