25 Things to Do While in Line for Pong
It’s Friday night, and you find yourself on Webster Ave. after a treacherous week filled with overdue papers and late night “studying” on FFB. You enter the basement of Sigma Apple Pie with the hopes of releasing all your pent up angst with a paddle, ball and a few cups of Keystone Light™. Wading through a sea of crushed cups and empty beer cans, you situate yourself next to a frat bro at a table.
You finally work up the courage to tap him on the shoulder. “What’s line?” You ask, narrowly avoiding getting hit by the swing of his killer spin serve.
He glances back at you and responds briskly, “Like, 5.”
A brash train of thoughts runs through your head:
But there’s barely anyone here?
There’s a table literally right there that nobody is using??
How the hell are they keeping track of this anyway???
Despite the huge hit your ego took upon receiving such a lowly rank, there is no need to feel dejected or sad. When life gives you a long pong line, take advantage of it with these 25 foolproof ways to survive one!
1. Send that flitz you’ve had in your drafts since the beginning of term
2. Chat “wya” to all your snap friends who look like they’re having more fun than you on their stories
3. Get irrationally upset when they leave you on read
4. Give yourself a tour of the house’s upper floors
5. Binge-watch an entire series on Netflix
6. Leave the frat and get in line at another one while you wait
7. Start and finish your ENGS problem set
8. Pretend you’re on an episode of Planet Earth and document people in their natural habitats
Jimmy Kimmel Live! via Buzzfeed.com
9. Question every life choice you’ve made that has gotten you to this moment
10. Lean over to everyone who comes near you and mutter, “This wouldn’t be happening if AD was still around!”
11. Memorize the lyrics to the same three songs they play on repeat
12. See how many times you can introduce yourself to the same drunk person
13. Stand by a table and make up obnoxious cheers for whoever is winning
14. Start an iMessage 8-Ball game with someone else in the basement
15. Beg the bartender to let you have the aux
16. Go shopping for brand-name frackets in the living room
17. Create a signature serve
18. Analyze someone in the basement and figure out their entire life story without ever speaking to them
19. Help decorate the frat’s basement
20. Think of a move for you and your partner for when you sink, hit or save a cup
21. Make new regrettable memories at TDX (you can never have too many)
22. Go on a quest to find your long-lost fracket from two terms ago
23. Order cheesy bread from Domino’s
Domino’s via giphy.com
24. Befriend the frat’s pets
Dartmouth College via giphy.com
25. Complain about how “nobody rages anymore”
After doing all 25 of these things, it’s highly likely that you’ll still be in line, so you might as well call it quits and head to Late Night.