Entering week seven already, I cannot think of a single person on this campus who has not taken an L this term. Stand tall, fellow Dartmouth sports fans. Stay resilient. And come back stronger to crush the end of the term; whether you’re playing intramural football or just trying to stay afloat in microeconomics, there are only 30 more days left in the term to do better. In the spirit of Lil Uzi Vert, when you “get knocked down, act like you never lost, come back and win like you Ronda Rousey, like you Ronda Rousey… Like you Ronda Rousey.” Therefore, I declare this week the week of resilience. With Homecoming this weekend, the school needs to collectively get all its work done in order to both finish the term strong and have fun during the weekend. Furthermore, I will be giving out “Ronda Rousey awards” to the best moments in sports this week that truly embody the spirit of resilience, picking yourself back up and fighting like you’re Ronda Rousey.
9 p.m. Oct. 20, Damian Lillard debut album: That’s right, the Portland Trail Blazers superstar dropped his first album. “The Letter O,” the name of Lillard’s album, sounds like the love child of some of my favorite things: Bay Area natives like Lillard himself and Adrian Marcel who is also featured, basketball, hip hop and general excellence which Lillard always exudes as a one of the best guards in the NBA. Throw on a black and white album cover of nuclear weapons, metropolitan areas and other random but meaningful things to young Lillard, and it sounds like something I could really jive to. Unfortunately, it’s not. Dame D.O.L.L.A. truly failed to get me excited about this upon first listen. The album kind of sucks: It’s one of those “clean” albums, and the positivity Lillard has in his verses is too juvenile for this decade. He sounds like an anachronism even when he’s in a song together with Lil Wayne. Go back to basketball because if you’re not talking about how your pinky ring costs ten times my rent, I don’t care.
9:48 p.m. Oct. 20, Aaron Rodgers throws 56 times: I have to give my first Ronda Rousey award to Rodgers for his performance against the Chicago Bears this past Thursday. As Rodgers donned the same sweater “The Dude” from The Big Lebowski after the game, Rodgers reminded us that even though he’s having a “down” year, he’s still the same dude; he’s Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers lead his team to victory throwing for 326 yards, three touchdowns.
12:50 p.m. Oct. 21, John Brown diagnosed with sickle cell disease: The Arizona Cardinals wide receiver was diagnosed with the sickle cell trait, an explanation for leg pain that he has been experiencing since last season. Now, although this is a very serious medical condition, Brown will still be able to play football as a career since his condition is easily managed with proper hydration. NFLers Ryan Clark and Tevin Coleman are examples of other players who also have the illness. Get better, John Brown.
9:15 p.m. Oct. 22, Chicago Cubs advance to World Series: Since my San Francisco Giants have been out of it, I’ll say it. The Cubs are winning the World Series. Knock on wood real quick though, but it’s happening. I will, however, give another Ronda Rousey award to someone not on this amazing Cubs team; the Ronda Rousey award is about overcoming challenges rather than being awesome all the time like the Cubs and thus Clayton Kershaw deserves it. In his last two NLCS starts, he pitched 12 innings and has only received one run of run support. One. Keep fighting, Kershaw.
9:51 a.m. Oct. 23, Chelsea F.C. smashes Manchester United: It’s really nice to see Jose Mourinho head back to Stamford Bridge and take a 4-0 beating.
To wrap things up, I’d like to give out my honorable mentions of the Ronda Rousey award for this week; First honorable mention goes to Gordon Hayward because the Utah Jazz badly need Gordon Hayward to be healthy from his broken finger if they want to be competitive in the West. Get up Hayward! Next, Pennsylvania State University deserves a bid for upsetting formerly No. 2 Ohio State University; I also just want to see Louisville in the playoff so I’m happy that Ohio lost. Finally, I should actually mention UFC Fighter Ronda Rousey, since I named an arbitrary award after her, and her first fight back will be Dec. 30. “Come back and win like you Ronda Rousey.”
