I love the San Francisco Giants. I’ve loved them ever since Barry Bonds was still hitting home runs and we didn’t think he was a dirty cheater, since Tim Lincecum was the best pitcher in Major League Baseball for like three years, since we started winning the World Series every even year since 2010. Max, shouldn’t you be very concerned that the Giants have dropped the first two games of the National League Division Series to the Chicago Cubs? Yes, and to be completely honest, it kind of feels a lot like how I came out the gate failing my first microeconomics quiz last week: not good at all but weirdly remaining confident that the Giants will not be eliminated and that I will not have to end up dropping micro.
9 a.m. Oct. 3, Tom Brady goes back to work — Exciting news for New England Patriots fans as Brady is a man on a mission...a mission to become the greatest player of all time, ever.
12:50 p.m. Oct. 5, I fail my microeconomics quiz in epic fashion — Play by play analysis: First question, I have no idea what’s going on. Second question, I also have no idea what’s going on. Fast forward to the end of the test, I just don’t know what’s going on.
3:30 p.m. Oct. 5, Ryan Lochte is still alive — It boggles my mind too. Why is he doing so much “Dancing with the Stars” stuff? Why is he advertising beauty products on Instagram? I really don’t like him, and I just want to stop everything he does. He’s a nuisance and not good for American society as a whole.
10:18 p.m. Oct. 6, Neymar takes an elbow to the face in epic fashion — Neymar is a lot like me: We both fail things and take it to the dome. If you haven’t seen this play yet, don’t worry, there isn’t all that much to see other than Neymar attempting to nutmeg a defender and falling. Only looking at the after picture did I realize that there was a lot of blood on Neymar’s face, so much blood that it looks like it should be on the poster of the new soccer, horror movie: “The Brazilian Chainsaw Massacre.”
5:25 p.m. Oct. 7, LeBron James isn’t a robot part two — Remember how last week LeBron had this whole press conference about how he was worried about his son’s well-being with regards to recent shootings? LeBron sad. Well this week LeBron was at it again during Game 2 of the American League Division Series rallying the crowd, “It is always us against the world. Cleveland against the world! Let’s go!” LeBron mad.
2:25 p.m. Oct. 8, Joey Julius is under attack — Last week, I went through a deep analysis of how Julius was hit and why I didn’t necessarily think it was a cheap shot. This Saturday, the University of Maryland’s Isaiah Davis decided to land a cheap shot on Julius thinking that I would come to his defense in my column. Absolutely not, you can’t hit a guy when the ball is out of bounds even if it’s kind of funny that he’s a 258-pound kicker. Leave Julius alone.
Fast Facts:
Does lightning strike twice? Probably not. However, if you’re a Giants fan, you’ve already seen lightning strike three times in 2010, 2012 and 2014. The Giants were 9-0 in elimination games from 2010 to 2014, so I don’t see why lightning cannot strike a fourth time.
Bruce Bochy, the Giants’ manager is a freaking genius. Did you know he has one of the largest heads in baseball? That’s right, Bochy wears one of the largest cap sizes in MLB history, 8 ⅛. You know what they say about managers with large cap sizes. They’re really smart guys!
Even though I’m generally garbage at school, I’m historically more of a second-half academic star like Santiago Casilla. He lead the league in blown saves and lost his closing job this past season but will remain tremendous in the playoffs with a 0.92 ERA in 25 career postseason outings.
I really wish I had a statistic that says that Conor Gillaspie is really good at doing Conor Gillaspie things and those are what’s going to win it for the Orange and Black, but unfortunately, that is not the case. Gillaspie has already had his best moment of the entire postseason, crushing a three-run home run to eliminate the New York Mets. I’m convinced Gillaspie needs to play as little baseball as possible to give the Giants the best odds of winning.
Game 3 is in San Francisco. Madison Bumgarner is starting. There is no way, no chance that the Giants are losing.
