Sam's Little Larks

by Sam Van Wetter | 1/7/16 9:54pm

(WIN)TER SAM and (LOSE)TER SAM discuss the pros and cons of the season.

WINTER SAM: Oh, don’t you love the sunset over a snowy Green?

LOSETER SAM: I’m so mad I can’t even look at it. My friend is in Australia for the term and her whole Snapchat story is like, beaches and dingoes and double digit thermofilters.

WINTER: That makes you mad?

LOSETER: Obviously. It was so cold in my room this morning that the hot coffee I brewed instantly froze.

WINTER: Well, I hate to say it, but if you were expecting koalas in January you came to the wrong college, let alone hemisphere.

LOSETER: I just always forget how horrible the winters are.

WINTER: Dartmouth in the winter is the only Dartmouth worth anything.

LOSETER: Come on.

WINTER: Dartmouth is made for this season.

LOSETER: Please. I had a near-breakdown at the end of the fall when I saw them taking the Collis patio furniture away.WINTER: Come on. Don’t you get a little twinge of excitement when they put the wooden covers on the stairs to the library? It means Mother Nature is laying icy booby traps on all our steps and we must carry on, foiling her. Pulling up on the Coach and seeing the Christmas tree on the green is such a good sign. It’s a groundhog for a different season, foretelling 10 weeks of—

LOSETER: Ice and dark and cold and misery.

WINTER: Yes and snow! And a beautiful carnival sculpture! And scarves and hot cocoa and skiing and skating!

LOSETER: Winter sports are overrated. Dubai has it figured out. Make an indoor ski resort. Keep winter confined to a bubble.

WINTER: That’s the easy option. Instead, why don’t you see the change in temperature as a challenge, something to be conquered, you know? How you can still have fun and see the world and be with friends but in a slightly colder environment.

LOSETER: Ew, no thanks. I’d rather warm-cut.

THOREAU: I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least — and it is commonly more than that — sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements.

LOSETER: Okay? But I’m taking classes and that makes it kinda hard to saunter away from my worldly engagements.

THOREAU: When sometimes I am reminded that the mechanics and shopkeepers stay in their shops not only all the forenoon, but all the afternoon too, sitting with crossed legs, so many of them — as if the legs were made to sit upon, and not to stand or walk upon — I think that they deserve some credit for not having all committed suicide long ago.

LOSETER: I’m not, like, depressed. I just want a pill that makes me warm and happy.

DICK’S HOUSE: We have happy sun lamps?

LOSETER: Close enough.

WINTER: But I think what Thoreau was saying that there’s a really big, natural happy sun lamp outside that you could just… stand by. For free.

LOSETER: Yeah, I’d rather not.

WINTER: But why not just… wear more clothing?

LOSETER: Like what, a sleeping bag?

WINTER: That’s kind of what a down coat is.

LOSETER: My hands get cold.

WINTER: Wear some gloves.

LOSETER: They don’t work.

WINTER: That makes no sense.

LOSETER: My hands are like, extra cold liable.

WINTER: There is no problem you have that cannot be fixed with proper layering and insulation.

LOSETER: Yeah, but it’s so much easier to sit inside.

WINTER: Easier? Dartmouth people are famous for winter resilience and innovation. Did you know the first ever machine-driven, permanent chair lift was made in Hanover? It was a rope tow at Oak Hill and pulled people on literal planks up a slope so they could hurdle down it again. We have a rich history of Dartmouth men and women breaking records and going to the Olympics and innovating so that people everywhere can enjoy the winter instead of, you know, sitting inside with a lamp.

LOSETER: I don’t want to invent the chair lift. I just want to get to class without my hair freezing.

WINTER: Well, if it’s dry it won’t freeze.

LOSETER: That requires me to have foresight and the ability to plan which is essentially not who I am.

WINTER: Let’s go to the Skiway sometime. It opens this weekend. It will never be easier for you to get outside for an afternoon of skiing. It’s easy to get to, easy to rent gear, and really fun and worthwhile once you get there. Plus it has its own snapfilter.

LOSETER: Wow. Either you really love the Skiway or they’re, like, paying you.

WINTER: Kind of both.

LOSETER: I really don’t need to sit outside for any extended period of time.

WINTER: But you’re not just sitting. You’re skiing and dancing around and whipping through trees and stuff.

LOSETER: And then sitting again to get to the top.

WINTER: It’s a quick ride.

LOSETER: It can’t be quick enough. Hell for me would be being forced to sit somewhere, unable to move, through the entire winter. I would be so cold and so bored.

ROBERT FROST STATUE: It’s not so bad.

LOSETER: I refuse to believe you. Being covered in snow for months on end would be miserable.

ROBERT FROST STATUE: It’s like anything. If it’s on top of you for long enough you can just pretend it’s a weird jacket – it’s kind of insulating. And it’s better than birds or squirrels because it doesn’t poop.

LOSETER: I think you have bigger problems.

WINTER: Everyone does. And getting to go outside helps us to forget that. So try it once in awhile. And, golly, it’s good to be back.