Ahh, Green Key. There were some interesting moments at Friday’s concert. T-Pain didn’t respond to any of the multiple tweets I sent him (and have since deleted), and I’m still heartbroken. Screw you, T-Pain! Sorry I’m not a stripper (yet… graduation is fast approaching). At least I think I can beat out Mama June, Honey Boo Boo’s mom, who has recently been heading out to perform at the strip club.
T-Pain exited the stage (and my heart) with no warning, as if nothing had happened. I thought what we had was real. In a similar vein, I like when artists say, “Dartmouth is crazy! You guys are awesome!” because clearly this is not the rowdiest college crowd they have performed for.
Post-Green Key, I’m feeling rather sentimental about my time at Dartmouth. While I would be happy failing my way to a fifth year, it seems that I will indeed have to leave Hanover in June. Maybe, though, it’s for the best. A lot has changed, and I can’t say it’s for the better.
I imagine that when the time comes for the Class of 2015’s five-year reunion, the campus will have plunged into a Hunger Games-style free-for-all. Despite the physical demands of a fight to the death, Dartmouth students will no longer be the insanely fit people that they currently are. The pure consumption of beer after beer after beer is going to take its toll, and the dad-bod will be considered a beautiful, toned physique. Will these changes last or will students cast off the shackles of the hard alcohol ban and pound shots like normal pre-alcoholic college students?
One of Alcoholics Anonymous’s founders is a Dartmouth grad, and let me just say I don’t see a reason to break with this tradition of frequent casual binge drinking. The ball is in your court, Phil.
The highlight of my time at Dartmouth, however, didn’t involve alcohol. This place is special. Some here are MENSA inductees. Some are functional alcoholics. I am neither of those things. At the very least, I am certainly not functional.
No, my favorite moment of my time at Dartmouth wasn’t stargazing at the golf course, diving into the Connecticut River to undertake the Ledyard Challenge or completing the 50.
It should surprise no one that my favorite memory as a Dartmouth student is watching the live-feed of the sit-in in Phil’s office last year. Is there anything sexier than that mustached cam guy? The only thing sexier than the thrill of voyeurism is the certainty that the object of your desire will be plastered across Huffington Post in the morning.
But a young lady looking for love doesn’t always happen upon a scorching webcam of the President’s Office. In the absence of live-streamed protests, I must resort to watching critically-acclaimed films.
The Cannes Film Festival is an iconic, star-studded event, and — until just a few days ago — that was basically the extent of my knowledge about it. But alas, it has come to my attention that female attendees are being turned away for wearing flats instead of heels. As a feminist of a certain height — 5’9” — this policy enrages me. This is basically the opposite rule of women’s footwear at Dartmouth.
Nothing is more harrowing than when I am driving down the highway in New Jersey and bikers surround my car on either side. And, seriously, this really only happens to me in New Jersey. Shocking, I know. As you’re probably aware, nine people died and 18 were injured in a Waco, Texas, shootout between biker gangs. I have no patience for these biker gangs that are filled with creepy old white men.
Some Americans are lucky enough to make it to jail… and then spend a decade or more in a certain Maryland correctional facility, only to become a household name — and the true keeper of my heart (and not just to make T-Pain jealous).
Yes, it’s been a long time since I’ve discussed Adnan, but don’t you worry readers, the fire in my heart still burns like a wildfire ravaging a drought-stricken California.
But back to the recent developments in Adnan’s case. The biggest question in my mind remains: What does Adnan look like today? Why are there no pictures of him? So frustrating. But sometimes the imagination can work wonders on this sort of thing. ;)
The second question that I will never let drop: What happened to Hae Min Lee? According to CNN, Adnan has been granted permission to file a request to reopen his case in a lower court. Will my jailbird lover be given another chance to be tried for the crime he most likely committed?
Only time will tell. Convicted murderer or not, he’ll always have my heart.
