In her Feb. 19 column, “Never Been Flogged,” Meghan Hassett ’15 did an excellent job of pointing out the sexist and abusive nature of the “relationship” between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele in “Fifty Shades of Grey” that can mistakenly be seen as women’s sexual liberation. Yet the problems in “Fifty Shades of Grey” lie beyond just sex. Indeed, even if the portrayal of BDSM were completely removed, the plot is still riddled with abuse and triggers for victims of sexual harassment or violence. If fans of the novel and film are idolizing an inconsiderate and aggressive stalker like Christian Grey, then we clearly need to do a better job of ensuring that women have the agency and confidence necessary to identify and say “no” to abuse.
Those who read or view “Fifty Shades of Grey” should be more critical of Christian Grey’s stalking. As early as chapter two, Grey just so happens to show up in Steele’s neighborhood, three hours away from where he lives. Such instances of stalking happen not once but multiple times throughout the books. Like most stalkers, Grey is also very possessive of Steele and becomes noticeably displeased whenever she talks to other men. This overprotective and domineering behavior begins when the two are still only acquaintances, and his attempts to control Steele only intensify as time goes on. His behavior is far from romantic or chivalrous, and it’s worrisome that “Fifty Shades of Grey” and its fans celebrate such a predatory relationship.
Grey’s interactions with Steele are clearly manipulative. Grey, ever the brooder, warns her to stay away from him. Grey is unable able to follow his own advice, however, and he soon begins showering Steele with expensive gifts, even returning to stalk her yet again. Using these common abuser tactics, Grey coaxes Steele into thinking that any harm that comes from a relationship between the two of them is her fault — after all, she had been warned.
He attempts to absolve himself of blame in writing, pressuring Steele to sign a contract stating that anything that happens between the two of them stays between them. With this, Grey isolates Steele in a relationship that she was manipulated into in the first place. Moreover, he withholds his affection in calculated moves that confuse and sadden Steele, only to ‘reward’ her with his love again at some arbitrary time. The rollercoaster of highs and lows leads Steele — and readers — to look past the lows as mere tiny blunders in an otherwise desirable “relationship.”
The series also glorifies an unhealthy degree of co-dependency. Grey consistently justifies his abusive behavior by painting himself as the victim of childhood trauma, but his own abuse is not a defense for inflicting it upon others. This is yet another calculated move by Grey to increase Steele’s interest in him and to keep her in the relationship. Steele feels the false hope that she has the ability to “fix” him, while Grey constantly reiterates how much he needs her. Their relationship fits the model of a damaging co-dependent relationship, where the co-dependent partner — in this case, Steele — is gripped by the need to cure an abusive partner, denying her own personal needs and health. The author, E.L. James, even intertwines the characters with their last names — Grey and Steele — and portrays their co-dependent relationship as sexy. We should reject this type of harmful dynamic as an ideal.
Unfortunately, “Fifty Shades of Grey” and the popular obsession with Grey and Steele’s relationship reflect a much broader social tendency to normalize and turn a blind eye to abuse. A society in which the physical and psychological abuse in a relationship can be interpreted as an erotic story of true love portrays a larger disregard for women and victims of abuse in general. Many women who have experienced domestic violence are too afraid or otherwise unable to leave a male partner, trapped in a pattern of abuse that may include physical and emotional trauma. Sometimes this can end in death — each day, an average of four women in the United States die as the result of abuse and one-fourth of women have experienced domestic violence. Sadly, we’d rather ignore this reality and indulge in the world of “Fifty Shades of Gray” where abuse is sexy. At the very least, there’s a silver lining for Stephenie Meyer — it seems we have finally found a love story worse than “Twilight.”
