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The Dartmouth
March 28, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

The Known and Never Known

As the fall winds down, we find ourselves growing more and more nostalgic of our time here. They say you get wiser with age, but as the sun sets on our Dartmouth careers, we feel we are becoming less knowledgeable and less relevant. We did some research and uncovered dirt on aspects of Dartmouth that ’17s will never know, as well as things only they (so far) have experienced.

WHAT ’17S WILL NEVER KNOW

Homeplate/FoCo Runway

The ’17s, and any other class except for the ’14s, will never know the FoCo runway or Homeplate. When we were young, if you wanted to go to FoCo, there was one long walkway to get to the food. If you’re awkward, and we’re all awkward, this walk became the longest 20 seconds of your life where you just hoped not to trip in front of so many peers. Homeplate was on the other side of the building and the waffle fries and paninis were legendary.

Library without King Arthur Flour

If you wanted coffee that didn’t taste like whatever Dartmouth Dining Services calls “coffee,” you’d have to walk to Dirt Cowboy and use real money to get your fix or settle on Novack. It wasn’t until 11S that we got KAF in the library, and we’re never looking back.

KAF sandwiches

’17s, you missed the awkward moment when DDS made KAF stop selling sandwiches. Both parties will deny this was the cause, but we all know it’s true. They were delicious. The only plus side to this is you will never feel the burning hatred that boils inside of you when the person in front of you in line gets the last brie and apple sandwich. Sometimes physical restraint is required to prevent driving to the KAF in Vermont to get a brie and apple fix. Yes, they were that good.

Former College President Jim Yong Kim

That time Jim Yong Kim was the president of Dartmouth for a hot sec and the angry outbursts that went along with his decision to step down. Let’s not hold grudges though, who would turn down a nomination for World Bank president? Besides, it was cute that he wore a Dartmouth tie when he was sworn in. You should look up his performance in Dartmouth Idol in 2011. JYK is the real deal.

Real pledge terms

Where to even begin? We’re wary to say much about this topic, but it must be addressed. We were confused when we saw non-Potential New Members (we’re being PC here) wearing fanny packs. There were no tide bottles and even the jorts were less visible to us. Sirens look stupid in belt loops. Shout out to the girls who joined the Blue Man Group, though. Bravo.

Advanced Placement credits

While neither of my two (okay, one) AP credits qualified as a class credit, I remember the jealousy I felt when classmates in the Facebook group discussed their 15 AP credits. How early could they graduate? What requirements and core classes could they get out of? These are questions I never had to ponder, but I can empathize with the ’17s’ frustrations over this policy.

Green Team with party packs

We’re still trying to piece together how Green Team’s party packs cost $30,000 a year, but we think they were worth it. There was nothing better than huddling around a tray of warm breadsticks and marinara sauce. Not only are they delicious, but having a mouth full of these gave us an excuse to be antisocial for a minute (or 30). Somehow we always found ourselves hovering above those breadsticks, and we may or may not have shoved a few in our pockets for the long walks while frat hopping. Don’t worry, we didn’t dip them in marinara, usually. Yes, you can still go to Late Night Collis or order EBAs, but there’s nothing like the convenience those party packs provided. We’re so upset by this, we’re considering starting up a petition to bring these back.

WHAT ONLY ’17S WILL KNOW

Red ID Numbers

When I was forced to go to FoCo earlier this term, I noticed that the freshman ID number and class year were printed in red. Everyone else’s are in black. What is the purpose behind this? I guess it’s easier for a drunk frat bro to not let you into his house if there’s a red line as the obvious warning sign. We contacted a couple of ’17s, asking them if they felt as Hester Prynne did when she was branded with her scarlet letter. No replies so far, but we’re optimistic that we’ll hear a response sometime soon.

Collis-Sponsored Alternative Activities

We hear there was a huge rise in attendance at Collis-sponsored and Sarner Underground events during the first six weeks of this term. We’ll have to check it out sometime, but having to read campus events blitzes in order to find out when these events happen just doesn’t seem worth it.

No frat rule

Have we ever spent as much time in frats as we did during freshman fall? No — not even close. Have we ever been among the last people in the basement since freshman fall? No — we wish we could stay up past 2 a.m. without the incentive of EBAs delivery. We truly can’t imagine freshman fall without the backdrop of a sewer-scented frat basement. While we hear stories of drunken freshman nights spent doing room-to-room tails in the doubles of McLaughlin, this was only the start of our nights as wide-eyed freshmen. On the other hand, the mystique and excitement about exploring frats might not have worn off yet for you ’17s, and for that we are jealous.

Protesters at Dimensions

We are absolutely not trying to make a political statement here. We’ll never know what the Dimensions show is like with an intermission in the form of an organized protest. It is likely that no other class will experience this, so consider yourselves special and well-informed.