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The Dartmouth
March 28, 2024 | Latest Issue
The Dartmouth

Loving the Distance

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

It’s getting to that point in the year when ’17s are starting to think of Dartmouth as home. The longer we stay here, the less we think of our hometowns, and surely, for many ’17s, some ties to home have already started to slip away. Going back in three weeks almost seems a bit bittersweet.

For freshmen in long-distance relationships, though, the prospect of returning home takes on a whole new significance. For many, it will be the first time they have seen their significant other since coming to college.

While we all know of the infamous “Turkey Drop,” when freshmen who came to college with boyfriends or girlfriends back home routinely end things over Thanksgiving break, it seems as though long-distance relationships are stronger than ever at Dartmouth.

Students acknowledged the challenges that come with going long-distance, but many also said it made their relationship stronger. Still, ’17s said unanimously that their friends warned them never to come to college in a relationship.

“A lot of my friends said not to do it,” Shane Berthoud ’17 said. “They said you need to be single in your first year of college. I didn’t really care what they said. It was going to be mine and her decision, not my friends’ decision.”

Students also mentioned having a conversation with their significant other about whether to break up.

“We both felt like it wouldn’t be fair to either of us since we were both happy,” Catherine Kannam ’17 said. “We felt like we owed it to each other to at least try it and see what happens.”

Deciding to go long-distance, however, is a lot easier than actually making it work. Many freshmen remarked that the transition to long-distance was tough, especially since most saw their boyfriends or girlfriends in person consistently throughout the summer.

On the other hand, some thought having someone to rely on during orientation and starting college made the transition easier.

“I definitely think it would’ve been harder without her,” Max Saccone ’17 said. “Because it’s one less thing to worry about here, and it’s nice feeling some connection to home.”

It takes effort to maintain that connection. By far the most popular way in which couples choose to communicate is by text. Almost all students interviewed mentioned texting throughout the day as an important form of communication, while many also emphasized the importance of FaceTime and Skype.

“The biggest challenge has been finding time to talk,” Julia McKown ’17 said. “Because we’re both really busy, it becomes easy to just exchange text messages all day, but it’s so important to find time to Skype and talk on the phone.”

Despite the challenges that come with attempting long-distance, though, students agreed that their relationship has either stayed the same or improved since coming to college.

“I think it’s definitely made us stronger and more committed, just because it’s not as easy or convenient as it was so you have to put in more effort,” Kannam said. “I think it just made us realize how much we care, because we’re both willing to go through it and really try.”

Upperclassmen have proven that even more can change in a few years. Maintaining a long-distance relationship from high school does get easier after the first year as people become more used to college life, Nick Hodgson ’16 said.

“It has definitely changed,” Hodgson said. “As freshmen neither of us knew what college was going to be like. We were confused and finding new friends, but now that we’ve already done it once, it’s a little easier.”

Kannam’s older sister, Julia Kannam ’15, said that, two years down the road, she and her boyfriend have slowly learned what it takes to make a long-distance relationship work. The learning curve was steepest in the first six-week separation, when the pair had to learn to say what they were feeling instead of depending on body language or facial expressions.

Julia Kannam also said that they became more secure in their relationship as it became more serious, which allowed them more comfort in communication and trust.

“When we first said goodbye freshman year, we weren’t sure if it was going to work,” Julia Kannam said. “We thought we were going to fall apart if we didn’t fall asleep Skyping everyday. Maybe we needed it at the time, but we both have perspective now, and we know we don’t have to do that to stay together.”

The inconvenience of the quarter system is still something that never changes. Breaks barely line up, and upperclassmen said the lack of overlap certainly makes it harder.

The secret, it seems, to a successful long-distance relationship is based simply in the type of people that are making it work. Saccone said that both he and his girlfriend are “pretty stable” people, and Julia Kannam said that her and her boyfriend’s personalities match up with the demands of the relationship.

“I think what makes us work is that it’s the two of us,” she said. “We’re both not super into the going out scene, and we’re both pretty quiet. He’s so steady, and I can always count on him to be a rock, so we can depend on each other from far away.”

Catherine Kannam also said that beginning the relationship right before college might have even helped make it easier.

“Because I haven’t been dating him for years, we don’t have as much of an expectation of how it should be or how it was,” Catherine Kannam said. “It’s almost like we don’t know anything else, since we met right at the end of senior year.”

Many agreed that there are many more long-distance relationships among freshmen this term than people expected.

Julia Kannam said that a lot of the surprise can be attributed to the stigma that plagues the long-distance relationship.

“It’s just one of those things that everyone assumes but no one really asks,” Julia Kannam said. “There’s a perception that it can’t work, and about college being a time to reinvent yourself and not be tied down.”

Catherine Kannam said the same stigma leads people to become stressed about the decision to come to college with a long-distance relationship, to the point where they might feel like they are the only one.

“People get paranoid about the whole process in general, paranoid about staying in touch and about what people around them will think about it.” Catherine Kannam said. “I was worried too, but when I got here, I realized it’s not a big deal.”

For anyone out there in a long-distance relationship who still isn’t sure, our veterans have some advice for you.

“The biggest thing is willingness to work together, because it’s not just one person doing one thing — it’s both together,” Hodgson said.