If what I have heard recently from many males, both peers and in the media, is to be believed, women are to blame for the hookup culture on college campuses. There seems to be two basic contentions here: first, that men don’t want to date women because women choose to dress “sexually” and hookup in a frat basement. Second, that women apparently aren’t actively standing their ground asking for respect, so naturally they aren’t given any. However, it is unreasonable to assume that women are solely responsible for a status quo in which respect and dating are both severely lacking. In fact, I would even say that many women resort to hookups because of this lack of respect and lack of men’s desire to date.
It is not by any means true that women are unwilling to demand chivalry and a proper date from men. On the contrary, most of the girls I know fully admit that they would like to be asked on a date. So to those who say we have not articulated our wants: Here we are publicly asking for it! Rather, most girls are discouraged by the lack of dating culture and become resigned to the fact that guys at Dartmouth and at many other schools seem to prefer casual hookups. The cause and effect have been mixed up: girls settle for dancing in a basement and going home with a guy because chivalry and dating are lost relics and the probability of him asking her to even a FoCo lunch date is low.
There is also a huge double standard regarding basement hookups. Girls who dress or dance provocatively are regarded as “sluts” or “easy.” But guys who dress as “fratstars” and dance with these girls are commended for being “bros;” similar to the many people who condemned Miley Cyrus for grinding on a stage while ignoring the grown man who stood behind her and participated equally. It takes two to tango, as they say. Eventually, once a girl has heard enough demeaning insults and experienced the reality that many college-aged males do not seek a committed relationship, she will accept the system currently in place and even embrace it.
Unfortunately, the labeling doesn’t end there. Girls hear many mixed messages today. If a girl doesn’t “put out” and is therefore not considered a slut, she is instead called a prude, an equally pejorative term. There does not seem to be a middle ground or gray area, no other terminologies by which to consider a woman. Either she participates in the hookup culture and is lambasted for it, or she refrains and sees equal derision hurled her way. If she chooses to exercise her right to engage in consensual but casual relations, ridicule be damned, the cycle of disrespect continues.
Yes, I will admit there is a cycle. Even if the way women dress and act isn’t wholly responsible for the rarity of dating, I will admit that there do appear to be two opposing forces that feed off of and fuel each other. Women realize so many men are not interested in dating so they choose to partake in the hookup culture. Men then deem these women unacceptable for dating due to seeing them merely as objects in a fraternity basement, and the downward spiral continues. I am not saying that it is right or justified that men reach this conclusion about girls who choose, like many guys, to hookup casually. I am merely recognizing that it is an unfortunate truth that exists on this campus and beyond.
To even begin to break the cycle requires a serious societal shift. If college students decide that the current hookup culture is preferable to dating, then at the very least, we need to stop judging girls so heavily for their decision to participate in or abstain from the predominant system which men can enjoy without scorn. And if a switch to a dating culture is desired, women need to be shown the respect we’ve been asking for all along so that we don’t feel our only option is to give in and conform to the stereotypes of “slut” or “prude.”
