I usually know a trend has arrived when my father blitzes me with a confused question, and in light of his recent inquiry about "getting on that Twitter thing," I'm going to call social networking an official phenomenon.
From a serious analytical perspective, I think that we've definitively seen the Rise of Friendster and weathered The Shift Towards Facebook (you know you can see future sociologists seriously debating this). The pressing question of the day now is, "Has the Great Twitter Awakening Begun?" Are we on the cusp of a major revolution?
Unfortunately, I might not be the best person to answer these questions, because I have an embarrassing confession to make: I don't tweet. Given Twitter's current media-darling status, I feel like this is on par with living in the woods and eschewing running water, but the fact remains: you cannot stalk me in 140-character bursts. I would like it known for the record that I tried. I signed up for an account, I started following Ashton Kutcher and I posted three utterly banal updates. (Search for them. I'll wait.)
To be honest, Twitter makes me feel old. It's a new-fangled piece of technology, and I don't get it. For the sake of the historical record, however, I swallowed my pride and headed out to interview those I assumed would understand Twitter: those crazy young '13s.
After repeated and slightly sketchy stalking of the McLaughlin cluster, however, I reached the unescapable conclusion that the Worst Class Ever is also not enthused with Twitter.
"I will never get a Twitter," Steve Tebbe '13 professed confidently. "People don't exactly need to know what I'm doing every minute of the day. What's the point?"
Tebbe and his compatriots were still self-professed Facebook addicts.
"I go on Facebook about every day," William Chan '13 said. "I like to just check in with people, maybe chat."
They seemed to think Twitter was particularly irrelevant in light of Facebook.
"Twitter is just like updating your status," Charlie Dong '13 told me. "Facebook has depth. It has more applications."
They also turned my hypothesis on its head.
"Twitter is for older people," Chan said. "Or for people who don't have anything to do."
Flummoxed by this development, I took off in search of "old people."
The '10s were definitely more web savvy, ("Can this be anonymous? I'm trying to find a job," one student requested), but no more enamored of Twitter.
"I signed up for Twitter once, but then I got embarrassed," one '10 girl said, who refused to give her name because she was ashamed about having a Twitter account.
"It's kind of pathetic," she added. "You're just updating. No one cares that you're going to the bathroom, or whatever."
Others were less opinionated. "I mostly use Twitter to get information," Ashley Salazar '10 said, adding that she follows several news sources and celebrities. "I talk to my friends on Facebook through messages."
She allowed that her efforts to convince her friends to even use Twitter had met with less than success.
"They're like, No, it's stupid,'" Salazar said.
Having talked to the oldest and the youngest at the College, I am confident to conclude: the Revolution has not begun, at least not among the college demographic.
I thought back to the statement that "older people" used Twitter. Upon examination of my dismal friends list on my dormant account, the people who acutally update are indeed Dartmouth students, but they are those who have ... graduated. I suppose, for those old and decrepit souls outside our bubble who don't have hours to stalk randos on Facebook, Twitter is a better option, and it's probably much easier for confused parents.
Fortunately for me, I have no plans to graduate, so I will never have to switch.
