The bookstore is open again, Main Street is kickin', wool sweaters have replaced bikinis and Ben and J. Lo have finally called it quits. Yes, alas, the summer is over. But before you start to reminisce about Tubestock memories and beachside debauchery, take a look at this fall's television line-up.
This season, as we bid a sad goodbye to old favorites such as "Friends" and "Everybody Loves Raymond," new series like Alicia Silverstone's "Miss Match" and Jerry Bruckheimer's "Skin" might just help us wipe away the tears. Classic heroes have been reincarnated for the small screen ("Tarzan" and "Joan of Arcadia"), the nation's capital heats things up even more ("The Lyon's Den" and "Threat Matrix") and Ashton Kutcher just won't go away ("Punk'd" and "That '70s Show"). So, for those few free minutes you might have in between school, athletics, sleep and nutrition, here are some wonderful distractions to help you make it through the Fall term in one piece.
THE VETERANS
Just when we thought life couldn't go on without weekly Rachel-Ross drama, frequent updates of Carrie Bradshaw's sex life and curmudgeounly exchanges between Ray's parents, those fine network folks have stepped in yet again to bring more laughs, tears and skin than ever before on the small screen.
But don't start throwing away all that "Friends" memorabilia quite yet -- starting next week, the world's favorite TV sextet is back for another season of love (will Dartmouth alum Aisha Tyler '92's sexy paleontologist character capture Ross' heart?), marriage (will Phoebe finally tie the knot?) and babies (will the Bing child inherit Monica's obesity gene and Chandler's third nipple?).
As for our favorite single gals Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda, the final episode of the summer season of HBO's "Sex and the City" saw Carrie being swept off her feet by Mikhail Baryshnikov, Charlotte dealing with a tragic miscarriage, Miranda declaring her love for Steve and Samantha continuing her relationship with hot young actor Smith. As the winter season begins, the question remains: Will the fab four find true love at last?
In other series finale news, this will officially be the last season of "Everybody Loves Raymond," Ray Romano's hit comedy about a sportswriter and his eccentrically hilarious family. After a long absence from work and a fat new paycheck, let's just hope Brad Garrett proves he is worth it.
"Will & Grace" will also be returning after a startling season finale that left Grace questioning her long-distance marriage to a gorgeous doctor played by Harry Connick, Jr., Karen floating somewhere in the middle of the ocean with Rosario and Will and Jack waking up in bed ... with each other!
THE UPSTARTS
Speaking of men with a great fashion sense, this summer's reality juggernaut "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" found fans all over the country as they traveled the streets of New York looking for hopeless heterosexuals in desperate need of a full lifestyle renovation. This fall, the hit show returns to Bravo for another season of emergency makeovers for all those desperate meatheads out there.
This summer also gave us promising dramas like Fox's "The O.C." and F/X's "Nip/Tuck" which will both be back this fall for some under-your-skin (literally) melodrama that somehow has managed to make an addict out of me already. Ask any female between the ages of 13 and 33 and she will probably tell you that her latest obsession is "The O.C.," which follows spoiled teenagers in California as they battle traumatic events such as debutante balls and teenage angst.
While this show has been compared to "Beverly Hills 90210," it really has a very different element of -- okay, who are we kidding, it's "90210 enters the 21st century" but, hey, it's great! "The O.C." will, however, have to compete with "CSI," "Extreme Makeovers" and "Will & Grace" all of which share that all-important Thursday 9 p.m. time slot, so get those VCRs and/or TiVos ready!
THE ROOKIES
Hollywood producer Jerry Bruckheimer now has three bona fide hit series to his name with "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," "CSI: Miami" and "Without a Trace," and this season he's rolling out three more series for your approval: "Skin," "Cold Case" and "Fearless."
"Skin" is Fox's new salacious drama about two young lovers and their feuding fathers, one a porn king and the other a district attorney. This "Romeo and Juliet" meets "Boogie Nights" 9 p.m. Fox program should give Joe Millionaire a run for his money (yes, he's
back: God bless America).
Bruckheimer is also premiering "Cold Case" for CBS, which follows a homicide detective seeking justice for unsolved murders and will fit in perfectly with CBS' recent affinity for crime dramas.
"Fearless," Bruckheimer's third new fall television installment, stars Rachel Leigh Cook as a young FBI agent born without the gene for fear (sure, I'd like to see her try out a few days of advanced Orgo).
And, for all you Ashton Kutcher fans (or at least those of you under the age of 40 without three kids), our favorite "dude" returns to MTV with another season of "Punk'd" and to Fox with more laughs on "That '70s Show."
And just when you think you've planned your fall season TV lineup, those sneaky network programmers decide to whip out all-new creative concepts to feed even the most ravenous television addict. ABC's new Tuesday night sitcom, "I'm With Her" tells the story of a famous actress and her not-so-famous high school English teacher husband as they face all the trials and tribulations that accompany a goddess-mortal relationship. Based on Chris Henchy's (who?well, that's the point) relationship with Brooke Shields and starring Teri Polo (of "Meet the Parents" fame) and Danny Comden, this show looks very promising. However, I cannot neglect to mention that it airs during the second half hour of "Gilmore Girls," a highly underrated show that, in my opinion, should not be missed.
For all of you already planning therapy sessions for life without new "Friends" episodes next year, NBC has already come to your rescue with its sexy new fall comedy series, "Coupling." The show highlights six young friends living in a city, dating each other and talking about sex.
Sound familiar? But wait: there's a twist! These six friends live in Chicago, one of the girls is bisexual and Jennifer Aniston's hair will not be a supporting cast member.
ABC's "Threat Matrix," which has already received some positive buzz from critics, is about a Homeland Security force (an interesting combination of the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, and, based on all the previewed action sequences, probably the NFL) whose job is to combat terrorism.
On Fridays, Alicia Silverstone returns to the earth after an ostensibly long hiatus as a divorce lawyer-turned- matchmaker in NBC's "Miss Match." While Silverstone seems to be playing the exact same role she played in "Clueless" " a role that made her famous " she does play the part well, and the show, though quirky and a bit clich, does show some potential.
And for all you who just can't get enough of those cheesy melodramatic WB shows, here are two more to try on for size: "One Tree Hill" and "Tarzan." "One Tree Hill" stars Chad Michael Murray and James Lafferty as two very different boys who find out that they are half brothers living in the same country town. "Tarzan" stars former Calvin Klein model Travis Fimmel (if you don't know who he is, just picture Adonis in human form and you've pretty much got it) as the shirtless jungle boy who escapes to the streets of New York.
While the premise of a boy who had been living in the jungles of Africa unleashed on the streets of a big city and encountering a sexy female NYPD detective named Jane does sound intriguing, you probably won't even notice that there is anything going on other than that beauty that is Mr. Fimmel.
Come on ladies, what else are you going to do on a Sunday night at 9 p.m. before the second installment of "Sex and the City" begins? After "Tarzan," you can continue the jungle fever with NBC's new political drama, "The Lyon's Den" which stars Rob Lowe as a D.C. politician who uncovers the mysteries of the trade.
And, just when you thought your childhood days were over, ABC has returned with "TGIF" on Friday nights. "Hope & Faith" stars Kelly Ripa as a washed-up, self-absorbed soap opera star who is forced to move in with her perfectionist sister (Faith Ford) after her soap character is killed off. While the premise may sound a bit ridiculous, Kelly Ripa's presence alone is reason enough to tune in. (Sorry, Regis, but this woman is destined for bigger and better things!)
Joining the TGIF lineup are the Sandra Bullock-produced "George Lopez," "Life with Bonnie" and "Married to the Kellys," a new show about a New York writer (Breckin Meyer of "Clueless" and "Road Trip" fame) who moves to the Kansas City hometown of his new wife and discovers all the ins and outs of the Midwest. This show looks more unfunny than your 90-year-old physics teacher attempting to crack a joke about kinetic energy (and even more unfunny than that analogy).
Speaking of shows that I would not only recommend going out of your way to miss, but also make me wonder how the network presidents look at themselves in the mirror each morning. Here are a few programs that look less tempting than an overcooked burger at Food Court.
"Whoopi:" Will somebody please tell this woman that a hotel owner who smokes a lot of cigarettes and insults people is not grounds for a television series? And while, we're at it, Ms. Goldberg, nobody likes "Hollywood Squares!"
"Joan of Arcadia:" The show is about a teenage Joan of Arc who spends her time trying to please God who appears to her in the form of cute boys and cafeteria workers. God help us all.
"The Mullets:" It's a show about a bad haircut, need I say more?
"Happy Family:" A show about a happily married couple whose kids have messed-up love lives. While John Laroquette and Christine Baranski play their "perfect parents" parts very well, their extremely unfunny children make this a must-miss.
The list of new shows and old hits goes on forever, but I'm sure you all have important things to attend to -- namely planning your classes around the Fall television lineup -- so enjoy these next few pre-fall season days before television life as you know it changes forever.
