Following in the footsteps of such journalistic luminaries as Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters and Ed Bradley, The Dartmouth's Mark Sweeney catches up with the big names on campus and asks the questions that others have too much professionalism or integrity to ask. Today, Sweeney talks with Canadian hero Nathan Szymanski '05.
The Dartmouth: Much like Celine Dion, Alex Trebek and Pamela Anderson, you are Canadian. What would you say are the main differences between Canada and the United States?
Nathan Szymanski: Believe it or not, the differences between Canada and the United States are pretty subtle. For example, instead of saying "bathroom," in Canada, we say "washroom." Or, instead of saying "huh?" at the end of our sentences, we say "eh?" Or, instead of saying "let's hop in the car and get some dinner," we say, "Let's hop in the Ski-doo and find some walrus."
Another subtle difference: whereas Americans tend to be very, er, "clean cut," Canadians usually have a few more, er, "floppy" inches of protection against the cold weather -- like a hoody, or a turtleneck. It increases the blood flow and -- quite frankly -- makes us bigger.
Wait, there is one other "big" difference between Canada and the United States: the beer. You guys call Budweiser the king of beers? If your "buddy" were a little bit "wiser," he would go buy some Molson Canadian.
The D: Being Canadian assuredly adds an exotic element to your personality that enraptures all the ladies. Is this the case? Also, what is your idea of a good date?
NS: I'm not going to lie to you, Mark -- the American babes are always leery of Canadians because of the hoods. However, Canadians have a little more finesse and romance on dates; for example, I'm sure all the Canadians on campus know how to dance pretty well. Personally, my dance of choice is the polka. American guys seem to think ball-room dancing is something to do after pizza at Chuckie Cheese's -- pretty poor display, if you ask me.
The D: Suprisingly, James Naismith -- the man who invented basketball -- was Canadian. Yet, that sport is not nearly as popular in your country as ice hockey -- I mean, just look at the Toronto Raptors. They were 24-58 last year and finished 26 games out of first place in their division. Why is ice hockey so superior in Canada?
NS: The sad thing about basketball in Canada is that Canadians always think that the NBA is really easy to make. Then again, even some rare Americans I know have this same mental affliction; I have this American buddy -- we'll call him J. Gaul for privacy's sake -- who honestly thinks he could someday become an NBA star even though he can't shoot and jump at the same time!
The D: What is your favorite aspect of Dartmouth?
NS: I'm not too sure about my favorite aspect of Dartmouth, but my least favorite aspect is definitely getting across the border. Every time I try to cross, I get stopped for about an hour while Border Patrol goes through all my stuff. One of these days, I should definitely peel off that cannabis bumper sticker my dad put on our Oldsmobile.
The D: Which TV or movie character do you think you are most like, and why?
NS: I think I most resemble Dharma, from "Dharma and Greg." She just seems so spunky!
The D: Who do you think will win the World Series this year?
NS: I don't want to jinx anything, but I've got a pretty good feeling about the Montreal Expos. They are starting to draw big crowds at just the right time: I hear they are now getting 18 -- sometimes even 19 -- hundred people at their games.
The D: In a recent interview, I asked my interviewee -- who is a native of Maine -- whether his state was part of Canada or not. He contended it was actually part of the United States. Was he telling the truth?
NS: Well, if you are talking about your interview with Adam White, I am pretty amazed that Adam knew Maine wasn't a part of Canada. Somebody must have put a map of North America in Kresge Gym by the 100-pound dumbbells.
The D: Are you master of your domain?
NS: Rarely.
The D: If you could design your ideal day, what would you do over the course of that day?
NS: Sleep in all day, eat perogies, and talk dirty with my third grade French teacher. Adam White would serve us drinks in a muumuu, and Joseph Gaul (oops!) would take jump shots to make us laugh really, really hard.
